Sinister: oh... stuff

[Honey]

Sailors and pirates on the mighty ship Sinister.  You've mostly
all mostly been *so* nice to me that I'm quaking in my boots awaiting
the almighty Honey backlash, just like what Leo Sayer got.  I see
Peter Miller's started already, but I knew he'd get his oar in.  To
the 15 people who voted for meeeee, I am flattered, stunned, aroused
and outraged!  I too would like a gender breakdown of, sorry, from
Stuart G, but you can't tell the boys from the girls these days.
Anyway someone says the only reason I got all these votes was "the
Mrs Thatcher factor" - i.e. "ooo, look at the way she struts about,
maybe if I misbehave she'll put me over her desk and spank me hard?".
Is it my ankles or something?

In spite of all this I know that Ms Fluffy Canderel Sarah truly
deserves the tiara, even though she won't lend me her frock.  I'm
going to keep the Miss Sinister sash for just a week then, wearing it
to watch the Nine O'Clock News in my pyjamas, and then send it back
to its rightful owner.  WeeJay's risking his life challenging a Queen
Bee on the sugariness of honey, but he's right actually: there's none
so sweeter as the lasses of Preston.  Incidentally I really liked "Mx
Honey" - does it stand for "Minx"?

I'm not so sure about the Jive Dialectized post though - they seem to
be multiplying ever since Keith Watson invented them in 1956.  It's
nearly as well-trod as translating something automatically into
French and then back to English again and sending it back to the
list.  Who could be so corny? (hint: look for "shrub shrub" with
Search on the WWW page; I know Peter Milliner will never let me
forget).

Anyway, I've blown any credit I scraped back here in one fell swoop.
Someone mailed the list ages ago telling anyone involved in a tape
tree to remove the tabs of tapes they received.  I keep forgetting to
confess that I didn't, and that I've replaced approximately 60
seconds of Biondino's tape with white noise.  I was going to pretend
it was Mogwai remixed by erm, Mogwai's Mum, but I'm just not going to
get away with it am I?  Biondino - I'm really sorry.  I'm also dead
late sending on tapes so I offer myself up for crucifixion... they're
on their way to Thailand now, honestly.

Crikey, I had a dream about a horse last night.  On to business...


-- LIST STUFF --

Thank you for mostly heeding what I begged for in my last mail - most
of you are sending in wholesome, wholemeal posts, lovingly pored over
and re-read under fading candlelight in wispy nightgowns.  Because
I've asked to point it out by a few, could you please help
readability by following conventions when replying to someone else's
mail:

 o  Don't just tack your reply on the top or bottom of a full copy of
    someone else's mail - cardinal sin number one, which is
    punishable by having to do a LOT of washing up.  It's a real 
    waste of list traffic and 800 peoples' download time so please 
    do a bit of mousework.

 o  Choose the bits you want to quote from someone's mail and take
    time to format them with a nice indent at the beginning of the 
    line, like lots of people do.  It makes it much easier to read, 
    you know where the quote paragraphs end, and if one person 
    can't be bothered, then 800 others have to wade through it.

 o  Don't go the other extreme and read a mail, hit reply, and say "I
    agree".

 o  Think before you mail back to the list: should I just be replying
    to the person who sent or asked this question?  Does everyone 
    else want to know too?  Maybe I should just go and tell my mum?

There's another rule I keep leaving out the FAQ: posts to list whose
soul content is football earn you a night in the cells.  Not that I'm
biased or anything.  No, make that sport in general.

Oh and um.. birthdays.. while it's a spiffing idea to make someone
happy when they reach 80 by sending them an email, please let's not
turn this list into an offshoot of Hallmark cards: if we did we would
get 2 or 3 a day, plus probably ten times that with people thanking
others, and asking them what Aunt Connie gave them and whether they
fit.  If you've sent Nanette your birthday, them I'm sure a little
sub-list of birthday well-wishers can be done, all off the list.

I know I'm a terrible nag, but it's because others nag me, so please
take it in the proper spirit and be of good cheer.  I'd honestly
rather be in an apron in a fragrant garden serving tea to The
Incredible String Band, than being a misery-guts here, but it's worth
it if the list keeps on and you continue to like it.  But if anyone
feels like sending a five page "personality" questionnaire to the
list and asking for people to answer it, um, on the list, like I've
seen elsewhere recently, think again and see me after class :)


-- SOME OTHER STUFF --

Martin Horsfield:
> I would guess the stereotypical image of B&S fans is wedge
> haircuts, black 501s with turn-ups, cardies or three quarter length
> suede jackets and Penguin books T-shirt for the boys, and short
> floral skirts, DM shoes, hair slides and woolly stockings for the 
> girls.

That's funny I've got ALL of those on right now.  I honestly don't
know if we all wear the same clothes.  Wouldn't it be funny if we all
found out we were wearing the same underwear right now?  It could
happen...stop laughing, it COULD.  We could have an underwear tree -
we compile a list of addresses and send one item of underwear on to
the next person every fortnight.  We wouldn't even have to remember
to remove the tabs or anything.

I was a little embarrassed to see Rachael's repeat posting of my
previous mail from September, primarily because some of the made-up
names and circumstances bore an uncanny resemblence to a few more
recent things.  Can I remind people that it was written ages ago, I
love you all dearly, and it's not my fault I'm clairvoyant?  And that
(again!) I really don't mean to pick up individuals on things if I
sound like I am - I only keep saying this because every time I post
someone mails me back and apologises for something that I didn't know
they'd done, and they thought I was making voodoo dolls of them in my
bedroom.  It's like that old Ealing Comedy plot when a policeman with
a wonky helmet (stop it) gives a criminal a parking ticket and he
confesses to stealing the crown jewels.

Finally, thanks Linda for spilling the beans about my past; maybe
you'll explain to Calum why I'm really called Honey.  I don't get
named after song lyrics, otherwise I'd be called Delilah.  I, and no
doubt Chris Leonard, also want to know what Linda meant when she once
told me that Rock Hudson and Johnny Mathis "went off and lived
together in a condom".  I don't get that at all.

Mx Honey xxx



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