Sinister: Little Bobby: A Ventriloquist's Tale

[PJMiller]

BB: How yer diddlin'?

Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to tell you about my days as a disc
jockey in the early days of the famous Schoooooom club in London. I'm sure
you've all heard of it..

LB: (knock knock!) Let me out!

BB: Oh I'm terribly sorry ladies and gentlemen...no I will not let you out,
Little Bobby, you ruined it last time! Now where was I? Oh yes, the
Schooooooooom club. Dancing was a popular activity there even before I
discovered so-called "house" music...

LB: (knock knock!) Let me out!

BB: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen...will you be quiet, Little Bobby, you
have to go and spoil everything I do, don't you? Let me see...ah yes, one
day I was playing a house record when I accidentally spilled some toothpaste
on it, thus inadvertently, inadveeeeeeertently inventing acid hou...

LB: (knock knock!) Let me out! Let me out!

BB: What now! You're ruining me anecdote! I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen,
but I'm going to have to let him out of the suitcase. I do apologise...

LB: Thank fuck for that, you rotten bugger! Thou shalt not call fat people
"fat" on the list - "chubbily challenged" is an appropriate alternative.
Fifty people with eating disorders on the list? I've got a seafood disorder,
me - when I see food, I disorder it! Aaaargh! Gerroff, ya big fat bugger,
I'm not going back in that suitcase, ya scouse twat, bleeeeurgh, I'll scream
and scream and scream until I make meself sick! (muffled) Let me out! Let me
out!

I'm sorry about that, back to business:

1. Someone (I think it was PJ, but it may have been Duncan) said they
listened to the 'Black Session' ("Le rock... Le soir...C'est Lenoir!"
- how cool is that slogan?  Is it also a jingle, my French chums?) on
FM. Sorry to to come over all 'hey can anyone burn me a CD-R' audio
bore, but is this true and if so, will we people who request one from
our allotted representative get a copy from the FM or the AM broadcast?

That was from Nick Dastoor. I sahll now provide him with a kind of answer,
politely and pleasantly, as is the required manner of going about things on
our beloved list:

Yes, Nicholas, twas me who showed off about hearing it on FM, crystal clear,
bell-like and beautiful. However, due to a strange unearthly high pitched
whine, I
felt compelled to press the little "mono" button, but it still sounded
great. Mono rocks, everybody knows that. I taped it, but I haven't offered
to tape it for all and sundry for two reasons:

1) PhiLiPPe seems to have it covered and he's got two more songs than me.
Mine's got the news on, which is no bad thing in my opinion, because "Monica
Lewinsky" is an even more attractive proposition in French, the language of
love.

2) I am a bastard, a bugger, and a cad.

I'm sending one to a once prominent listee, because I love him and want to
marry him, but that's all so far. I'd be only too happy to do it for anyone
who really needs it, and unlike PhiLiPPe, I'd be prepared to accept huge
wads of cash in return. I'm very slow, as my tape recipients know only too
well, so don't hold your breasts.

Nick again:

2. Was this 'session' really a very long session, or was it just a
recording of the Paris concert?  If it was the concert, can everyone
stop calling it a session (including evil Lenoir) as it's confusing my
tiny mind.

It was like a special concert for the radio, with an audience, comments from
Bernard during the gaps between the songs (lengthy as ever), and lots of
communiction between Murdoch and Bernard, along the lines of:

SM:- are we on?
BL:- Yes, you are on.

And that song with a funny name was indeed taken "au grand galop", a bit
like a psycho synth pop version of The Flashing Blade, in fact.

I'M GOING NOW BYE!

Peter

PS: It's about time we had a European Tour Diary from Stuart Lee Murdoch,
dontcha think?

PPS: Does anybody know anything about Andy Gibb? I know he's dead, but
that's all. Poor Keith must be working very hard on his Twisted Wheel book,
because he has so far failed to point out that I had a Teddy Pendergrass
song all along, courtesy of Keith. "Love TKO" it's called, how very Keith!.
I like Harold Melvin and the Bluenotes, that song's a Procter and Gamble
production, isn't it?

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