Sinister: You Made Me Forget My Thighs

[Corpora Arenacea]

	Since when do secondary sex characteristics denote beauty? Huh? Why are 
all the women in porno shaved, or most at least? Scary, I say.

	And seriously, at the first party I threw at my house I was talking 
about how the historical scale is now reversed, and those with money can 
afford to be thin while the poorer have to settle for fast food and tv 
dinners and wind up being horridly overweight, when my friend Jerry from 
400 miles away strode in, plopped down on the couch, and yelled (in 
front of all my paraprofessional, uh, colleagues) "BITCH, BRING ME A 
CHICKEN POT PIE!" It was funny how every single one of them got up and 
said they really had to go all within a minute of each other. I mean, 
there was a queue to leave. I had to return a keg 95 percent full.

	But really it's nice that the beanpoles get their chance at being the 
queens, seeing as fat girls have had the rest of history to be the 
paragons of beauty.  Not that this excuses eating disorders or anything. 
I really don't think the first thing that goes through a man's head when 
he sees a girl, consciously or unconsciously, is "God she could bear my 
offspring quite well couldn't she?" Though my sociobiology course 
contradicts that. Perhaps men now want a girl who =won't= bear any 
children.

	And you don't know about body image problems til you've been a man 
stuck with childbearing hips. Worse, a second-grader. Unnggh. I've come 
to accept that I'll never have a cowboy's ass. At least if you're a girl 
it's somewhat natural to have a pelvis like a wok.

	My favorite formative memory on body image was reading in Sassy an 
interview with J Mascis.... "How do you feel about girls with big 
asses?" "Any guy who's not weird will take as much as he can get." Ha!

	My dog loves rock and roll. And she's old! Whenever I really crank the 
stereo she just moves up and lays right by the subwoofer, and the only 
surefire way to get her in the house is to kick on my amp and play the 
most tinnitus-inducing guitar..... she runs (well sort of waddles) up 
and just puts her head right in the amplifier.... I'll test her response 
to TUBBYWARS tonight. She's easily the hippest 84-year-old I know.

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