Sinister: leadership

[John Johnston]

I'd love to post something about shag albums but what the hell do i know
about shagging. I can say I always get excited when I hear the theme to
Grandstand so my old BBC sporting themes album would probably be a first
choice - imagine making out to the Horse of the Year show music or Rugby
Special (with the voice of Bill McLaren in your head whispering - "Och
the young lad's an absolute monster in the tackle department..."). And
if you wanted to prolong the 'pleasure' you could use the theme to the
golf to give you something boring to think about. Of course if I ever
was likely to do any of that shagging I've heard all about the last
thing on my mind would be "better put on some music". I'd be too busy
thinking "Socks on or off??". Maybe that's where I'm going wrong.

Anyhow there has been some talk of B&S and Leadership skills. And this
gave me a fab money spinning idea to run past the folks at Jeepster.

The Belle And Sebastian Executive Leadership training weekend!!

Day 1
10.30 Registration at the Church Hall. Delegates must hand over their
briefcases and receive a stuffed toy from Seargents Campbell and Martin.

11- 1 Working in a village shop. 
Delegates are given a fixed number of posters to put up. The purpose of
this exercise to get normally focussed managers to day-dream on the job.
Special commendations for the most elaborate fantasy world and any that
involve aforementioned stuffed animal.

Light Lunch

2-3.30pm Scream therapy. 
Colour-Seargent Colbourn wanders around with a placard saying "Business
World" on it. Delegates are encouraged to boo and hiss and work out
their unresolved professional tensions.

3.30 - 5 Cross Country Obstacle course.
After a short address from Gunner Cooke who puts on a Windsor Davies
voice and assures delegates many of them may not return and that he is a
real man and they is a bunch of poofs, delegates must construct a dog on
wheels from items found laying around the church hall and guide it
around the playground. They must disregard the sorties of enemy
partisans (Colonel David) who forcefully informs them that there efforts
are "pish" and "he's off".

Early Night

Day2

9.00 am Regimental Drill Seargent (Me-and-the) Major "Howlin' Mad"
Murdoch wakes delegates with a cup a tea and the hope that they slept
well.

10.00 am Board bus for town centre. (it's only a mile and a half but it
does take a long time)

10.30 - 11. Table Turning in Marks and Spencers
Delegates must be quick on their feet. Rather than the traditional
business skills of of blaming other people, delegates will be encouraged
to take responsible if the security guards do seem to care.

11 - 12 Riding city buses.
Delegates must draw pretty patterns in the windows and thus unleash
their creativity. 

Over lunch the newly promoted Admiral Geddes and Wing-Commander Jackson
will explain the final challenge. Delegates will be split into teams and
lead down to the banks of the River Kelvin. One member from each team
will be zipped into a Lord Anthony parka with pencils stuffed into the
sleeve pockets rendering him/her unable to look left or right up or down
or bend their arms. His/her colleagues must then guide them over a
narrow plank using a stylophone and Serge Gainsbourg songs. Absolute
trust in the abilities of your team is crucial to the success of this
mission. Once across the river the delegate must pick up an Arab Strap
and be instructed to put it on by his/her team. Photographs are then
taken and sold to fetish magazines. The team that makes the most money
wins!

Any further suggestions for activites welcome.

xx
John

PS Trousers - got the book - THANK YOUxxxx

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