Sinister: No Tim, No Comment, No Content

[PJMiller]

Stop the clocks, put away the list, muffle the funky drummer, solemnest of
industries enacted upon earth, he has gone. We shall never see his like
again, until eternity. Tim, I don't know if I can go on without you, old
chum. You see, I've grown accustomed to your face. Leering out at me like a
bloated drunken turnip. I think I've fallen in love with you, but like a
damn fool I never had the courage to let you know my true feelings. And now
it's too late.

Back to business: oooh arrr! oooh arrr! I be Sidmouth Isaac Hayes an I bin
shaggin wenches in the orrrrrrrchard!

All right, all right! I know it's not very funny, but my brain is in a bit
of a tizzy. I've been watching "Heavenly Creatures" - Kate Winslett in
school uniform! PHWOOOOOARRRR! PHWOOOOAARRRR! PHWOOOOOOOAAAAARRRRR! Actually
I doubt even Sidmouth Isaac Hayes would find it appealing, but I thought it
might be a good way of recommending newcomers to look up "Kate Winslett" (if
that's how you spell it) on the archive search engine, just so you can see
the kind of peurile and childish nonsense that sometimes takes the list up a
notch or two. Look up "Sophie Dahl" while you're at it. Incidentally, the
other girl in the film, Pauline, reminds me of our very own Fluffy Little
Sarah. I should point out that it hasn't finished yet, and I've stopped
watching it, so I don't know what happens. It looked to me like we were
heading for some hot girl on girl action though. But that's not why it
reminded me of Sarah. Of course.

Trousers, "Strawberry and Chocolate" is a French film from Cuba, I thought
you would know, what with you being a right bleeding ponce and all, but
obviously not. Thereby causing my one and only ever cultured joke to fall on
the proverbial stony. Go and get it out on video immediately, you could show
it at the next Blue Soda Social. It's very nice, honest. I totally dig Cuba.
Oh, and well done on another fiendishly difficult competition. I'm going to
win as usual, everybody.

B&S content. I have been overwhelmed by the number of listees who have
written to me privately to ask if I'll go out with them, I mean to ask if
I've really seen "The Acid House". The answer is yes, it was included in the
"open section" of the  San Sebastian film festival, which means it doesn't
compete for the big prizes, but it is included in the youth prize, which
means a load of jammy kids get to see films for free and give them marks out
of ten. Our favourite film (because B&S are on the soundtrack, so it must
be) is about third from last with three days to go. Quite a few people
walked out, despite having queued up for ages. All of which is quite nice. I
enjoyed it very much, and I'm sure you all will too. The song credits read
"words and music by Belle and Sebastian" as opposed to "Stuart Murdoch" or
anything like that. I don't want to spoil the fun, so I'm trying not to give
anything away, but it's difficult. It was the most fun I've had in a cinema
in ages, in fact, and I usually get up to all kinds of rumpy pumpy in
cinemas, especially when I go on my own.

Have I bored you all to sleep yet? No? This should do the trick - more about
Paul:

Paul's enormous telescope is so big that he can clearly make out individual
pockmarks on Mrs Matlockbath-Cablecar's cellulite encrusted thighs. It was
inside one such pockmark that Paul spotted a curious little man one evening,
strumming a Fender Jazz and humming like a girl...

And so on and so on. I'm even getting on my own nerves tonight. I don't know
if I'll survive Tim's departure.

Me Tim's left me, sleeping in me Jag, on pills for me nerves......

Bobby Chariot


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