Sinister: Let's Play Squeezy Bottles!

[PJMiller]

Shag Tag wrote:

>My trip to Glasgow was jolly good fun, I had my usual record spree,
>and we all went to Julia's house where Chris Lynyrd informed us that
>one in twenty people in the world had been bedded by Gene Simmons.
>That means 50 people on this list alone.  I've counted eight that I
>know of - the Duke, Leslie-Jo, Peter Miller, Roddd, Kamp Kommandant
>Kitchen, JJ, Stuart Gardiner and Andreas.  Matt Haines has had him
>too.   And Steve Lowe.  Can we have a Simmons Shag register like we
>did with "Tigermilk"?

I've never been shagged by Gene Simmons, although he did once subject
me to a frighteningly thorough rimmer. It took the dog ages to lick
all the face paint off my buttocks, too. I was a laughing stock.

I had been wondering how the GYMSLIPPED WEEWILLIEWINKIES were going to
cope with
the shortness of their LP in a live environment, but I must admit that
a cowbell-propelled instrumental jam session wasn't very high on my
list of possibilities. Who conned Isobel into singing that dirty,
dirty, dirty song "Kinky Love" then? Was it Murdoch? Actually, I'm
beginning to think that Isobel's sensitive waif image is a huge pop
googly, designed by EVIL JEEPSTER to sell millions of records. Like a
proper fan, I've been working my way through Isobel's reading list on
the GINSENG WARRIORS website. First stop: DELTA OF VENUS by Anais Nin.
After a staggeringly pompous introduction, things perk up a bit:

"...and for the delight of her admirers who sat around her, she was
rouging her sex with her lipstick..."

the story goes from strength to strength until:

"he fetched a stool and placed it near the bed. He kneeled on it and
he put his penis to his son's mouth. The son awakened choking and
struck at him."

No, it's not about Gene Simmons. I can't believe that dear sweet
Isobel is encouraging her fans to read books with the word "penis" in
them. "Dinkle", yes, but "penis"?! I don't know what the world is
coming to. Speaking of which, thanks for that message about the Balkan
conflict, it was terribly moving. Reminded me a bit of when they used
"Achy Breaky Heart" to try and get the Davidians to abandon their Waco
stronghold in Waco, Texas. If music be the food of love....

Yesterday I went to the pictures and it was a film and it was
Shakespeare in Love and I saw Gwyneth Plantpot's nipples. First one
nipple, then the other, and so on, until eventually both nipples were
on screen at the same time. I don't why there was such a fuss about
Judi Dench only being on screen for eight minutes, the nipples were on
for even less. I thought it was a marvellously clear example of
cultural fragmentation as we hurtle towards the next millennium, where
breasts will be considered as individual commodities rather than
traditional pears. I mean pairs.

I apologise if anyone found that offensive or sexist. It's Isobel's
fault for making me read that book.

I thought that Select article was a load of Jeepster approved bollocks
on the whole. But I enjoyed it, especially the bit about Isobel clones
wearing hair slides and pinafores. I hope I make it back to Blighty
before that fashion dies out. I remeber with great affection the
halcyon days of Bjork clones. I also enjoyed Duke's bit as well, and I
bet the schoolkids did too.

Anne of Ward Gables, I'm terribly sorry, but I've lost your address. I
know it's Gibson Street, because it's impossible to forget such a
R!O!C!K! street, named after the famous Fender Gibson guitar. But I
don't know what number. Apologies to anyone who has written to me over
the past few days, I'm a bit behind schedule with my term paper and my
tutor will be down on me like a ton of Simmons if I don't get revising
soon for my exams, and I won't be able to fly over to the UK from JFK
and check out the London club scene and some cool record stores.

Sister Disco
Get Your Free Private


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