Sinister: Bowlie Drunk and ONLINE!

[Honey]

An absent mummy writes:

Words cannot express how embarrassed your list mummy is at this raw display of arch-nerdery, but if the 900 people on Sinister who didn't get to Bowlie happn to get this mail, whizzed to you via the ether from my chalet, it's just a little gesture from us all to make you feel a little better (or worse, maybe).  I passed around my little green portable sinister screen in the Pontins "Traditional English Pub" and this is what came out when it got back to me.  Needless to say they serve beer in this pub, and the beer is so bad, Tim Hopkins keeps having to taste it for us.

While I'm here a few little vignettes:

1. David Moore being mistaken for John Peel by a really sincere American, who's been worshipping Mr Peel for decades.  He was crestfallen to discover that "John" was in fact not "John", but someone who makes a profession out of telling jokes about having sex in toilets.

2. Stuart Murdoch driving around the site in a big red van with an even bigger big red grin on his face - Postman Pat.

3. Andreas Herring who used to be One Of Us seen in a corner with Stuart talking for about two hours about... presumably the Jasmine Minks.

4. Momus turning up at the Sinister do at tremendous do at the Betsey Trotswoods pub on the Thursday night, and "liking Chris Leonard".  He's taken.

5. Stephen Pastel dancing.

6. The stuff about Jarvis Cocker below is really true - he's walking around trying to look non-chalant and looking very chalant.  Everyone's pretending to not know who he is.

List mummy kisses from the concentration camp of the south, back on Monday, stick the kettle on - honey xxx


---
Keith ejaculates:
Me and Chris have a remote wanking machine and we're using it to toss off random pop stars. It's a top toy, like Danny's tranny except ruder.
---
Rachee:
you are missing me!  what more can i say.  ps, this place rocks.
---
Trousers exclaims:
the sinister football team did you proud, going out on pens in the final....
---
Linda Kerr ruminates:
Hopelessly too many people here to see everyone.....
---
Pushkin & Brioche declare:
Does anyone know how to get to our chalet? We've been stuck in the pub for 37 hours, every path leads back here!
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Holly Woodlawn:
Still searching for a wet banana.....
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Andy Seymour:
done bugger all since being introduced to chris and keiths remote wanking device....
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JJ here, I shagged everyone and then I did it again, I don't think they noticed,
I am having a nice time and i feel a bit ill, I wish I was here. I love you. xxx
---
Steady Mike reporting
Like a huge steel cock pulsing pure entertaintment custard into the moist mouth of the sinister massive, Camber Sands has delivered its load.  On time and warm to boot.  Vic G stamped his inherent magnificence into the face of everyone present and people were grateful.  Blah blah blah beer, etc.
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hello, this is Chris live from the pub in camber sands.  only it's not live is it.  i'm drunk and having a splendid time and talking about entertainment custard.  miss honey has requested i tell a story right now so here you go.
we all know that stuart lee majors is a musical genius.  he fucking rules.  but what you probably didn't know is that he is also an electronic genius too.  one day he invented the most incredible device in the whole world ever - the electronic remote wanking machine!  with this device he could wank off any living beast from any distance.  at first he tried it out on himself, and it worked a treat.  then he tried it on his dog, and ditto - success!
love from chris
----
Hey you lot, we're at the bowlie fest. And our auto wanking machine is working a treat. We're all clubbing together at the moment to wank Peter Miller off. Using the power of our minds.
Love Keithy Dee.
---
Fluffy Sarah wrote something but she told me to "blimmin well delete it" because it wasn't funny (this wasn't true).  It contained the phrase "KEITH IS STILL WANKING the freak".
---
andy dean from his big hairy bowlie cave says:
umm, we've nambled all day and now it's time for pambling. wish you were here. actually, most of you are...
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elisapet says (from the pub)
Bands? What bands? We haven't left the pub all weekend except for to watch Bowlie TV. Oh and Chris Leonard had the brillint idea that we should pre-marinate sheep so that they come ready in different flavours. Don't you wish you were here? 
---
Benjamin notes:
Paunchy John, who sells the beer at the Queen Vic, is currently under the influence of the Keith & Chris remote wanking device and can only mutter "Gaaaah... 'ave another?"
---
Mister T. Hopkins adds...

Think of yourself swimming in an olympic-sized swimming pool filled with lager, stout, gin and some other unidentified fluid. Now imagine (almost) all your favourite sinisterines skinny dipping in the pool . 
There, wasn't that fun?

Don't believe a word of what they have said. The whole weeked has been a rainy washout. the high point being Keith Watson winning the knobbly knee contest.  

No alcohol is allowed on site, everybody here is horrible and I have just been invited to guest on the forthcoming Pink Floyd LP. I wish I was back in Sidmouth. 

Remember kids,getting drunk doesn't take away the pain. 
Tim
---
Thom Hopkins feels my pain.
Keith
---
Susannah aka nubblybumps//nippybutts/honeymuff/tittyflump writes:

Yes.

Bollocks to the other posts, you know you can rely on me to spill it, baby.

Let me entertain you:

1) Stuart Murdoch has orange and black striped pyjamas, Mick has little boys blue and white paisley ones, Isobel has a nightie with ribbons and bunny rabbits, and Stuart David sleeps in his nothings. Fresh as the day he was born.

2) Jarvis Cocker smokes nicorette fags, and went paddling in the sea in his suit.

3)When the Sinister cum looper boys did the football thang. Trousers' pants ffell down and we all saw his winky. It wasn't impressive. No, really it wasn't.

4) Above all the topic of conversation is gaining your brown wings. 300 in total last night. And thats just the sinister lot...........  

5) Overheard in Sinister corner:

Tim Hopkins 'The trick to singing like Louis Armstrong is not to use any consonants at all'

Chris Leonard to any passer by 'I'm wanking you off on my wank machine'

Joss 'Chris, you're moving your hand too fast'

Sarah 'If I go up and take a picture of Stuart murdoch, will he think i'm a geek?'

Trousers 'Who saw my winky?'

Honey 'You,ve got to tickle it, ooh I felt a twinge'

Tag 'Wycombe 2 Manchester City 1'

Keith Watson 'Nice bit of Huey Lewis'

Laurel Girvan 'Susannah has such a nice ass' she really said that. Thats unedited.

Thats it kids. xx
---
Joss says:
I fancy ChrisLeonard. Honestly. He's a fox. Last night I fell on the dancefloor and landed on my chin. I am a fool.
Love
joss
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