Sinister: the pinkest t-shirt small town beatings would allow for

[Marcus Omond]

hello all you lovely, lovely people,

i like alix's (1) name-dropping game, so i'll see how i do.

DOES ANYONE ELSE GET TURNED ON BY WASHING UP?

because i do.  and that probably makes me a sick pervert.  oh well.  oh, and 
i can let everyone know why boys don't talk about wanking other than 
'hur-hur' laughing type talking.  once when i was smoking some bongs with 
the cool set in winchester, someone who played for the first eleven football 
and cricket, and was therefore VERY cool, got rather stoned, and when the 
subject of wanking came up he said 'yeah... the best bit is when you stick 
two fingers up your bum, just as you're cumming'.  a shocked silence 
followed - could a school idol be A GAY HOMOSEXUAL FAGGOT?  he went rather 
red after he realised that anal exploration wasn't what most red-blooded 
school boys did...

NICK DASTOOR (2) MAKES ME HORNY

except i don't like his handwriting, because it's just like someone i went 
out a while back with's.  so when i got a tape from him this morning i 
thought 'oh shit, what does she want now?'  but instead i got some sweet 
songs.  nick, baby, you're a star.

GEOFF (3) IS SSSOOO FUCKING GORGEOUS

the highlight of the picnic must have been the sight of the lovely, heavenly 
geoff coming over the crest of the hill wearing a pale pink t-shirt with 
'VOGUE' scrawled across it.  the delightful arantxa (4) had just been asking 
me about the living legend, and he turned up, spirit bottle in hand as ever. 
  ooh, every time i think about his golden locks i sink off into reverie... 
and he's also a lovely chap - once i established that i was WAY to drunk to 
get to the pub he walked me to the bus stop and made sure i got on the right 
bus.  hope you enjoy your tape, darling.

I STOLE MATT'S (4) DRINK TO CHARM THE LASSIES

alix already mentioned my demon tom cruise-esque skills with the spirits.  
but she neglected to mention that the drink that she, 
heavenly-even-when-not-blurred erica (5), donna (6) (and maybe pamela 
'boozegirl' hutchinson (7) - the old memory's not working too well...)and i 
enjoyed so much was all supplied by drunken wrist-damaged matt.  after 
smoking all his drugs i took his vanilla vodka and lemonade, and mixed them 
together (about half vodka, half lemonade) and passed the drinks around, 
hoping that someone would join me in passing out.  no-one did though... i 
think erica was charmed, though, so that's ok ;)

WHEN I WAS TEN AN OLD SCOTSMAN CALLED ME A LASS

and that's before i came out at all, so i was in a bad mood about it.  all 
my fault for having long hair, i suppose.

I APOLOGISE TO MY FOOTBALL TEAM FOR BEING SHITE

i was too busy telling kevan (8) he was one of my legions of list-crushes, 
and then chasing him when he ran away with a panic-stricken grimace on his 
face ;)  and i lay claim to being the first one to make an immature joke 
about matt's wrist - 'no joy for you tonight then, darling,' is what i think 
i said.  ho ho.  the gags just keep on coming.

AND I APOLOGISE TO EVERYONE ELSE FOR PASSING OUT

if anyone was offended by my subtle demonstration of the art of passing out 
from too little food plus too much drink and dope, please forgive me.  and 
if i passed out on top of you, even more profuse apologies - i can't really 
remember.  i can remember that stuart g (9) had the same socks as me, 
though.  oh, and i apologise to everyone who called out requests when i was 
playing strousers' (10) guitar for only knowing b&s songs.  and for singing 
like utter shite.

RIDING ON CITY BUSES

london transport sucks.  i just had to wait an hour for a bus after doing 
some gardening.  and then there were three... wendy cope was right - well, 
on the bus front.  anyway, once on the bus we got stuck behind some bin men, 
and it was swealtering hot and sticky, and people were rather pissed off, 
and one charming lady decided to philosophise out loud.  i WISH i'd had a 
dictaphone - i really couldn't believe this (bear in mind i live in a 
supposedly trendy and liberal part of london).  anyway, here's as much as i 
can remember of her monologue:
'all them fuckin' blacks and packies - that's who i blame.  cloggin' up the 
streets, takin' all the jobs what is meant to be for proper english people.  
that's why all the fuckin' buses is shit.  it's them blacks, innit?  can't 
drive proper. [the driver happened to be black]  and them packies, with 
their stupid clothes - takes 'em half a bleedin' hour to get on and off the 
bus.  would've been home by now if it weren't for them.  fuckin' packies.  
when in rome, do what the romans does.  that's what i say.'
well, it takes all sorts, doesn't it?

BELLE AND SEBASTIAN LIVE, SUPPORTED BY MOGWAI

i had a dream last night, and i dreamed that i was in the union chapel with 
natasha (11), mark c (12), miss vicky (13) and neill (14), and we'd gone to 
see b&s.  it was really empty, and mogwai were opening.  unfortunately i 
only remembered the mogwai set when i woke up (punk rock, cody, with 
portfolio, mogwai fear satan), but i remember going up to isobel and 
inviting her to come to visit me in prague.  then i saw stuart murdoch in 
the corner hiding behind the newspaper he was reading, so i went over to 
invite him as well, but he turned into david kitchen (15).  i wasn't 
expecting this, and so i woke up.  any freudians around?  am i gay?  is 
stuart murdoch gay? etc.  anyway, it was a lovely dream.

anyway, that's all for now.

hugs to all and kisses to my list-crushes (and, of course, snogs to geoff),

love

Marcus XXX


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