Sinister: Inebriation's what you need, if you wanna be a picnicker...

[Alasdair Cook MS1996]

SHAKING HANDS WITH THE UNEMPLOYED

May I say how much I enjoyed my very first London picnic. I, however,
shall not stoop to namedropping as others have done.

I enjoyed playing football (and can confirm that the "colours" won)
I enjoyed drinking
I enjoyed talking 
I enjoyed dancing
I enjoyed hearing the tale of how someone bought a large screen TV set
to replace his girlfriend.
I enjoyed hearing the tale of how someone's mate (heterosexual male.
That's his mate, not him) got off with Danbert Nobacon, believing him to
be a girl.

I was also told by a Spanish girl that as long as I continue to wear
nice clothes I will never have anything to worry about, and by a
Canadian girl that I could *HAVE* any girl I wanted if I went to North
America as a result of my Scottish accent. Can any listees confirm these
facts, especially the second one please.


FOUR HOUR MARATHON SESSION

The recent Scottish poetry which was posted by Calumn and tjohn reminded
me of a great song which we used to be taught to sing at school, so here
it is:

"YE CANNAE THROW YER PIECES AFF A 20 STOREY FLAT"
(To be sung to the tune of "Ye cannae throw yer pieces aff a 20 storey
flat")

Oh, ye cannae throw yer pieces aff a 20 storey flat,
700 hungry weans 'll testify tae that
If it's butter, cheese or jeely, if the breid is plain or pan
The odds against it reachin' earth are 99 tae wan.

Ooh, I've just thougth of another one:

"YE CANNAE SHOVE YER GRANNY AFF A BUS" 
(To be sung to the tune of...oh, never mind)

Oh ye cannae shove yer granny aff a bus
Ye cannae shove yer granny aff a bus
No ye cannae shove yer granny, cos she's yer mammy's mammy
Ye cannae shove yer granny aff a bus. 

I love Scotland. Don't you?


RED RAW

An Italian boy wrote:

> (which could come in handy should Ally Cook
> starting coming over all David Batty *again*)...

And I salute him for managing to fit masturbation, football and my name
into a single sentence. Well done son.

Love,
Alasdair xx

PS  To the man with the beard that isn't really a beard who asked if
anyone remembered HQ on Saturday night, I do and it was good. Especially
when I attempted to recreate Saturday Night Fever with an English girl.
I think.
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