Sinister: he's so gorgeous, don't you know?

[Marcus Omond]

hello my lovelies,

um, this is going to be the usual boring marcus post - a bit of paranoia, a 
bit of weird sexual perversion, a bit of cyber-fellation of the immaculately 
dressed geoff... the normal.  so if you find my posts dull beyond belief, 
which i think most of you probably do, hit delete.

ok, now assuming anyone's still with me, i'll start with a bit of good news. 
  i'm going off to see cypriot-sinister natasha in two days!  yippee!  and 
what's more, i'll be flying through the eclipse - none of this crap faffing 
around on some hill in cornwall while wishing that the clouds/ crowds would 
go away - i'll be way above them both.  but... i need some help.  which side 
of the plane should i try to get a window seat on, if i'm flying from 
gatwick to cyprus?  any astronomers out there who can help me on this one?  
of course, even though i intend to get to the airport at 6:30 am for my 9:15 
am flight (it's a charter, so make that 9:15 pm), all the window seats'll be 
taken, and i'll be stuck in between derek and leeroy, both of whom have had 
sweets and coke for breakfast and are keen to throw up all over the ponce in 
between them in the middle of the aisle, while mummy tracy and daddy liam 
look on proudly.  so it goes.

unfortunately, being in cyprus with natasha will mean that both of us miss 
seeing mark 'fingering the groove(rider)' casarotto dj-ing.  but we'll be 
there in spirit - we'll be that couple being antisocial and snogging in the 
corner.

wow.  geoff's fit.  go look at his picture, and vote away.  oh yes... the 
link is...
http://www.majordomo.net/sinister/cgi-local/photo.cgi?gallery=people&photo=Geoff
ooooohhhh.....

right, enough of that - there's only so much adulation a man (but what a 
man...) can take.  colin campbell decided:
>to start stalking miss Ricci, coz I am the sort of sick depraved person who 
>sits through a film such as, for example, the addams family values, all the 
>time thinking of how fantastic wednesday's boobs have become.

i once had a girlfriend who had a stalker.  it was really weird - she got 
fifty red roses every day for about two weeks, and assumed they were all 
from me, and so she was in a good mood with me :).  but then she mentioned 
them and i said 'what roses?' and she got a letter from a mad russian saying 
that he was the son of king david and the queen of sheba (why not?), and 
that all americans were 'somdomites' (obviously the marquis of queensbury's 
influence extends so far as chechnya) and 'paedophoiliacs', and that he 
wanted to 'not only posess your body, or your mind, but your ETERNAL 
SOUL!!!!!!!!!!!'  hmm...  so i laughed at this, but stopped laughing when 
(a) she betrayed me and gave someone else a bj while i was in the house (b) 
the stalker turned up at the school we were attending in prague and looked 
at me in a harrowing way (he'd followed her around, and so thought i was 
still her boyfriend), before playing around inside his inside jacket pocket 
as if he had a gun there... oh yes, i stopped laughing pretty fucking quick. 
  but then he got extradited, and everyone was happy.  except for him, of 
course, because his 'pure swedish bride and queen, whose eyes are oceons' 
was sleeping with a 'somdomite and paedophiliac'.  i think colin would have 
been a better stalker though - guns are *so* passe.  axes are much cooler 
now...

anyway, the ever-hilarious kevan told colin to:
>never fall for a child star

i don't know if claire danes counts as a 'child star', but i fell for her 
after watching romeo and juliet.  so much so that i gave up wanking for 
about three months, so that i'd be saving it all up for when we started 
going out... but then i saw she'd lost her beautiful hair, and died it 
strawberry blonde, and i returned to the five finger shuffle pretty damn 
sharpish.  i don't think she's going to grow up to be kula shaker though... 
but then again, i don't think she'll ever be as cute as mr mills... am i 
alone on this one?

anyway, when i was a child star (security video for NEXT (british clothing 
chain shop); shop lifting cub scout in P!O!P! video for 'the band of holy 
joy') i had my second ever crush - kylie minogue.  i would have married 
charleen at ten, and i cried when she married scott instead.  but he turned 
out to be gay, didn't he?  or was that joseph and the technicolour 
dreamcoat?  anyway, ever since my nanny  introduced me to ramsey street at 
the tender age of nine, its inhabitants have been my dearest friends... i 
dream about them almost nightly, and talk to anne and billy all the time.  
and now they're moving in!  rather risque for suburban erinsborough, but... 
well, the youth of today... am i the only person sad enough to converse with 
the characters in a soap opera?  or are other sinisteroonies as sad as me?

my first ever crush, incidentally, was cheetarah from thundercats.  i used 
to dream about snogging her when i was eight, and playing with her tail... 
bisexuality surfaces in unusual ways at that age, no?   and that orange 
leotard... mmm... she-ra was a bit of all right too, wasn't she?  when i got 
the toy the first thing i did was look up her dress...

right, i think i've scared you all off by now, so i'll crawl off back to my 
corner again... but first i'll go to
http://cgi.pathfinder.com/time/time100/poc/century.html
and vote for stuart murdoch once (no, 100 times) again.  come on, everyone 
who's bored at work - we can easily get in 12000 votes and put him higher on 
the list than princess di... you know it makes sense...

love to all, as ever,

Marcus XXX


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