Sinister: When Stuart destroyed everything

[Jygsaw18 at xxx.com]

This is my attempt at a little story about the cybernetic adventures of 
Struan. Let's see if I can manage to work in lisping, Stephen Pastel cursing, 
and Giant Robots.


Stephen Pastel was trudging home, fresh wee from the little fox trickling 
down the leg of his trousers. As you may have guessed, he was cursing 
horribly. Mothers were pulling their children indoors to prevent the tots 
from being polluted. The air was thick with cruel intent. 
    Then, who should appear but the little fox again "Pawdon me, stephen. I 
just wemembewed that you have a cewebrity shit I'd wike to acqwiwe. "

Stephen Pastel's eyes flashed. He muttered dire imprecations. His hands 
formed claws and he reached for the little fox. The fox darted out of his 
reach "I'm sowwy for trying to convewt you to the Army of the Lord, and for 
weeing on your weg. Now wiww you pwease give me the Petwified Poop of Yuw 
Bwynnew?" *

Stephen was so angry he leapt up and down, causing huge cracks in the 
pavement. The fox scurried away, mad as hops. Stephen swore he would catch 
the little fox and rip him to tiny bits.

    The fox trotted away, eyes burning with anger. He desperately wanted Yul 
Brynner's feces, having watched Westworld for the 19th time the night before. 
"How to twick that bastawd into giving it away?" he thought. "Pewhaps if I 
had some sowt of giant wobot?" Then an idea came to him. What about that 
redheaded fellow he'd seen smashing his guitar on stage? He was supposed to 
be sensitive and shy, and therefore could be bent to the will of the little 
fox with ease. The fox scampered off to the home of one S. Murdoch.

    Several days later, a Giant Robot was seen terrorizing the neighborhood 
of Stephen Pastel. It would tear the roof off of a house, peer inside, then 
march to the next house. The citizens were in a panic, each one fearing for 
their collection of china teacups. Several people reported a fox running 
through the wreckage, cackling madly and lisping. The police chalked it up to 
a glue-sniffing epidemic.

Meanwhile, Stephen Pastel was hiding at his uncle's house and wearing a false 
mustache. He would have been terrified of the monster if he wasn't too busy 
grinding his teeth into powder. His obviously false mustache flapped with 
each gust of curses that sprayed from his mouth. His uncle sat beside him on 
the couch, chainsmoking and trying to think of a plan. Uncle Stan flipped on 
the television, in the hope of distracting Stephen from cursing constantly. 
What should appear on the screen but an old monster movie! "Orrrr, gorblimey, 
oi have an oidea, nephew mine!" squawked uncle Stan.

    Uncle stan used his seedy underworld connections to recruit Roger 
Daltrey, Rod Stewart and Eric Clapton for a dynamic trio. His plan was to 
assault the Giant Robot with some of rock's biggest dinosaurs. With their 
ponderous bulk, Uncle Stan figured the Giant Robot had no chance.

    The showdown occurred conveniently in a place with lots of buildings to 
smash. Eric Clapton charged forward. But the fox tripped him up and the Giant 
Robot stamped in the back of his head "How do you wike that, Mr. Cwapton! Say 
hewwo to your son at the Peawly Gates!" sang the fox, and he danced back and 
forth.

    Next came Rod Stewart. But the Giant Robot sang at such a high pitch that 
Rod's dual hearing aids exploded, and he fell to the ground. The fox cheered 
"Handbags and Gwadwags, my ass! That's what you get for weaving Wachael 
Huntew!"

    Uncle Stan began to tremble. Only Roger Daltrey was left. Could he 
destroy the Giant Robot?  Slowly, Daltrey moved forward. He could see the 
wreckage of his companions. His eyes flashed with righteous indignation. The 
little fox ran forward, trying to trip him. But Roger was too quick. He 
trampled the little fox into the ground " Oh Woger! I do bewieve I've bwoken 
my back!" moaned the little fox. "Pwease don't huwt the Giant Wobot, since 
he's good at heart. I compelled him to destroy things for me.":
    Roger realised the truth of the little fox's words, and in a convenient 
plot device, immobilized the Giant Robot with his flowing locks. Struan was 
freed from the cockpit, and returned home. But he never forgot the kindness 
of one of rock's most massive dinosaurs. Lying on his bed at night, he would 
pray to Angus Young fhat one day he too could be as great as "that fewwow wif 
the wong haiw fwom the WHO" (for he had vowed never to take the name Woger in 
vain)

The fox survived, but was confined to a wheelchair for quite some time. 
Stephen Pastel went home and burned his collection of celebrity shite, for it 
had caused him so much trouble The neighbors were disgusted by the smell.

The end


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