Sinister: Death to Crusties!!!

[Ian McKinney]

Oh my.
What a weekend. It was the birthday of an old friend of mine on friday and 
he was throwing a party so I dutifully went. Turns out half the guests there 
were filthy crusties swigging raw Tesco vodka and Carlsberg special, the 
other half were all puritanical vegan straight-edge skinhead types. It was a 
nightmare. Me and Barbara (my gf) walk in dressed like 70s pimps with gin, 
tonic, bag of ice and a lime. Nobody says a word to us, they just stare like 
we're a couple of fucking lepers. Then they set up a PA in the living room 
and this woeful punk band starts playing death-metal versions of Exploited 
songs. Me and barbara hid in the kitchen, quickly drank a bottle of gin 
between us in about 10 minutes then sneaked out the back alley, past two 
copulating skinheads. It was awful, I tell you. What has become of my friend 
Henry? I am partly to blame. It was me that lent him a copy of a Minor 
Threat compilation when we were 17, and within the year he'd turned into a 
slightly skinnier version of Henry Rollins. He's just no fun any more.
  The following morning I bought the NME, and Barbara, an emtionally fragile 
creature dressed entirely in black silk and velvet, went into hysterics at 
the news of the forthcoming Suede tour. The problem is, they're not playing 
belfast, so I have to fork out my hard-earned shekels on a weekend trip to 
Dublin to watch four poncey wankers prance about. (If she knew what I just 
typed I would die - my feigned appreciation for Suede is the foundation of 
our relationship. Me: "No, I like Brett's voice.....No, really, it's all 
right.")
   My day was brightened when a supposedly well-connected friend of mine 
told me that B&S are planning to play in Belfast in November. Can anybody 
please confirm or deny this rumour? It would be the highlight of my year if 
it was true.
   Only two days till the Arab Strap show in Belfast. Any other sinister 
folk going?
   Oh dear what a rambling mess. Well, I have been inhaling jumbo markers to 
pass the time away. My prose is usually far superior to this. please don't 
hit me.
  Yours with dangerous excitement,
Ian

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