Sinister: shit shower shave

[BradWhiddon at xxx.com]

so there i was, rubbing the morning snot out of my EYES with my fat fucking 
FINGERS, when i thought about my ASSHOLE and how lonely it must get down 
there with only my BALLS and my SCHLONG to keep it company. so i got onto my 
FEET and walked to the bathroom to do the three esses, and i look down and on 
my right KNEE CAP there was a bit of blood. i thought "where the hell...." 
then i looked in the mirror, and i saw my NOSE had been bleeding, and it must 
have got on to my KNEE since i sleep curled up in the fetal position. so i 
rubbed my BELLY and thought "fuck it....it'll come off" and got in the 
shower. whilst scrubbing my ABNORMALLY HAIRY ARMPITS, i felt a clump of 
yesterday's deodorant clinging for dear life. so i yanked it out and thumped 
it against the cold shower wall, only for it to ricochet into my GAPING WIDE 
MOUTH (cause i was singing that right said fred song). so i coughed and 
gagged and in the process i slipped on the bathroom floor and busted my HEAD 
wide open (and lasted ASS first onto a shampoo bottle (at least that's the 
story i'll tell the doctor)).

-brad

p.s. i think i have HEMORRHOIDS.
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