Sinister: He's making a list, he's checking it twice

[Alder, Lucy]

'Ello 'ello 'ello

What 'ave we 'ere then?  What are you bunch of reprobates up to?  What?  You
mean you're actually behaving yourselves?  I think you're lying.  I think
you want Santa to think you've been good girls and boys so he'll bring a
sackful of Girl's Worlds and Fashion Wheels and Scalextrics and Mr Potato
Heads and Remus Basket Weaving Sets when he comes a-tumblin' down the
chimney.

I'd be happy with some of the lovely glittery elastoplasts like wot they've
got in Superdrug at the moment because I'm a little wounded soldier.  I have
a big scab on my knee which cracks every time I bend it and catches on the
inside of my cords when I walk.  It will be ripe for picking in a few days
time but for the moment I just need to cover it up.  Of course, the Big
Question is, what is the best method of plaster-removal?  Mum always went
for the quick rip approach but the very thought of it makes my eyes water.
Not quite as much as the thought of scrubbing with a nail brush at the
sticky bits that are left on your leg.  Ow, Ow, OW!

Let's have some headings...

BLACK BORDERED BIT
It is with the deepest regret that I announce that my littlest friend, my
dear hamster, Thurston, has gone to hammy heaven.  I converted a hair dye
box into a little hammy coffin and laid him in it and covered him with
woolly hammy bedding and buried him under the rosemary bush in the back
garden.  And shed a little tear.  I have such happy memories of him rolling
around a home-made hammy assault course in his plastic ball and if I shut my
eyes I can still feel him crawling up my arm, over my shoulder and down the
back of my cardigan.  I'll leave a decent period of mourning (two weeks) and
then go out and buy Thurston II.  

CONTENT?
My car stereo plays tapes a bit too speedy-like.  Monsieur Murdoch sounds
like Bonnie Langford.  Isobel's voice is so high pitched that it cannot be
detected by humans, but an ever-growing pack of dogs lollops along behind
the car, tongues flopping out between their slobbery chops. Not a pretty
thing to glimpse in the rear-view mirror.  But, as we all know, dogs refuse
point blank to break the speed limit so, with a quick burst of the
accelerator I can manage a getaway before they do any damage to the exhaust
pipe.

FILTH
Fiona wrote
>>do you think you could take household objects and have them 
battered? you could gradually build up a battered room and a 
battered house, and eventually a battered empire.
  cover the world in batter!!!

Batter is a strange old thing, isn't it?  The very thought of it makes me
laugh.  Funny Batter.

Marie wrote about
>>the trousers-under-skirt look, which
-- although it may be cool now -- was definitely a
dorky thing back then.

Such speshal fwiend pun potential.

Time to give my digits a rest, methinks.

Juicy Lucy

 
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