Sinister: A Schooner of Kentucky Fried Tripe

[Peter Miller]

My friend Mr Rusty from Dougal and the Blue Cat was really impressed
by the body parts page, especially the legs picture with the high
heels. His eyebrows started going up and down like the clappers and
his moustache started spinning round while he coughed and spluttered
something about "in my mouth" and "golden shower", waving his arms up
and down like a maniac. He now wants to send in a photgraphic series
showing his stop-action erection process, but he hasn't got a scanner.
Or a dinkle. I don't mean to be a killjoy, but they're all very Belle
and Sebastian body parts, aren't they? Can't someone send in a picture
of their massive jugs and saggy-jowelled arse?

Speaking of which, I'm not against millennium celebrations because I'm
a pathetic pedant, I'm against them because I'm a blody miserable
killjoy. Just to prove it, millennium means "the thousand-year reign
of Christ and his saints on earth before the end of time". Which
changes everything. If Will Smith can release an album called
"Willennium", why hasn't Lenny Kravitz released one called
"Mi-Lenny-um"?

Has anyone mentioned the Richie Coalbum interview on Amazon's website?
It adds little or nothing to our knowledge of B&S. The good news is
that Richie hasn't written any songs. The bad news is that everyone
else has. The other good news is that Amazon are using the interview
to sell Steps and Billie records, by means of surreptitiously linked
links. I'm relieved to hear that you can only vote once on the
Internet though.

Many hundreds of years ago, a certain little lady walked by and asked
for the address of the "Scottish Guardian" so that she could send
Stuart Murdoch her problems. She meant the Glasgow University
Guardian, which has an out of date website:
http://www.src.gla.ac.uk/publications/guardian/default.html
and an e-mail address:
guardian at src.gla.ac.uk
I'm sure they'll point you in the right direction if you want to send
your problems for Murdoch's perusal. There's nothing of interest on
the website unless you're the kind of person who takes pleasure from
reading about students getting beaten up.

Peter


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