Sinister: loitering with intent

[craigrm]

Firstly I'd like to thank SteadyMike and St*vie Trousers for sharing the 
emotional details of their first meeting. As an educated man I've always 
maintained that Brother Beyond were put on this earth to "bring like minded 
people together in the name of global harmony" and this just further proves my 
point. I love it when I'm right.

Their shameless public reminiscing has also helped me rediscover a period of 
my life that I had previously thought lost. After weeks of intense 
hypnotherapy and ritualistic beatings administered by the cast & crew of the 
musical CATS, under the able supervision of one "Mr Howe" (a retired Police 
Officer and unsuccessful Khmer Rouge candidate for Swansea East in 1980's 
General Election) in a parked van somewhere in Croydon, I'm pleased to share 
with you what I remember of that happy but turbulent time.

It was 1987 and fresh out of Borstal I decided to take my particular brand of 
populist street magic and petty larceny onto a wider European audience. After 
a summer of ecstatic acclaim I eventually arrived at the picturesque Bavarian 
seaside town of Lauf an der Pegnitz. As you're all undoubtedly aware Lauf is a 
small and unremarkable place for much of the year, but at the end of summer 
the town's population is traditionally boosted by holidaying Royalty and the 
illegitimate offspring of the infamous 1971 Real Madrid squad. This particular 
year proved to be no exception.

Before long my cheeky street theatre had attracted quite a reasonable crowd. 
As they held their collective breath and waited for my grand finale (I'd once 
again like to state that the boy was never in any real danger & the injuries 
he sustained whilst unfortunate could not have been anticipated and were 
clearly NOT the result of any carelessness on my part as the Magistrate 
initially implied)I was distracted by none other than a pre-Belle's Isobel 
Campbell flogging her patented homemade lip balm to locals and tourists alike 
from a sparsely decorated stall adjacent to the Train Station.

Even then I could sense she was destined for greater things. We embarked on a 
torrid affair that was as fleeting as it was intangible and fictitious. I 
don't want to dwell on the painful details but it resulted in the accidental 
desecration of a nearby Church and the loss of electrical power to around 
23,000 households, both of which events I now deeply regret.

Of course the human mind is a funny old thing and some of that might not 
actually have occurred, or even worse still could have been implanted in my 
subconscious by Mr Howe and his gang of grinning thespians. But then again, 
whenever I listen to my advance copy of the new Gentle Waves album "Napalm 
Tsunami !" between the gut pounding bass and primal screaming I kinda get the 
feeling that she remembers me too.


Hmmm - what I really meant to say is that myself and a few degenerate pals 
will be in sunny Prague over the Will2K so if there's a thriving Czech Sinstah 
scene out there and someone wants to meetup then please let me know.

Merry Christmas everyone and pleeaze don't buy any of the current crop of 
seasonal singles, it only encourages them.

Toodles,
Craig xx

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