Sinister: Eyes to the sky, nose to the ground

[Robin Stout]

Hello?

	Mmm, yes it's me again.

	Today I went into town and appeared to have developed *the 
mysterious stare of the hex*, as everyone I looked at seemed to fall 
over, or hit their boyfriend, or have a spastic fit. Oh dear. Just when 
things are going okay, I'm bestowed with a gift from the devil. Just 
my luck. Whilst looking for Christmas presents and buying NONE I 
decided that this season of goodwill I would give myself to the world 
of literature - you know, books - and so I bought a copy of Father 
Brown Investigates. I averted my eyes from the bookseller as I did 
this, just in case. He'd never suspect my affliction if I just keep my 
head down and hand him a book about a Catholic priest, I thought.

	Last night I was entertained by Lionel Blair with his 
devouring smile and Linda Lusardi with her doubly devouring thighs 
at the city pantomime. The place was full of fat mums, purple-rinsed 
grandmas and spoilt kids, all joined together in the festive spirit of 
laughing at a man in drag and seven tiny little men. They were very 
small - I suppose that's why they provided binoculars. Tiny, little, 
men. Seven of them. Dick Whittington it was, I think. Lionel Blair 
reminds me a bit of Lenny The Lion with his luxurious, ever so 
manly mane. If only Lenny could tap dance, maybe he'd still have a 
career.

	I was discussing the Willenium yesterday with my mate and 
he said that if someone knocked on his door on New Years Eve 
dressed in a beard and sandals, like Jesus, he'd go bonkers. I think 
I would too. So I've decided, that for the Willenium, instead of going 
to some crazy party, I'm going to dress up in a beard, sandals and a 
comfortable pair of pants, tie my feet to a couple of barrels and float 
down the Thames, as if I was "walking on water", singing songs 
from "Jesus Christ Superstar". I wonder what would happen.

	On the B+S website they mention that they've recorded "over 
twenty" songs for the new album but don't know which ones to put 
on it yet. Sounds to me like they need a helping hand with deciding. 
I vote for a Pokemon-style face-off between the band members to 
sort things out. Imagine Pikachu Murdoch with special triangular 
face power versus Jigglytuff Campbell with plastic mac power.

robinxxxxx
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