Sinister: I'm Calmer Than You Are

[Peter Miller]

One of the things I like most about the Sinster list is the way it
lurches from disaster to disaster, with hardly anything in between.
Just like real life, only cheaper. Tapioca.com, huh? Sounds like a
bunch of asswipes!

Yesterday I had a look at the photos again. You look like a nice
bunch, as my mother is fond of saying when looking at photos of my
chums. I'm not sure what she really means. There was David "I Can't
Take Any" Moore dressed in something that makes him look a little like
a military man, there was Miss Vicky, apparently unruffled by the huge
hairy caterpillar crawling up the side of Mark's face. Nick Dastoor
has fallen asleep to the gentle sounds of the Beach Boys' "Friends"
album, a personal favourite. He will shortly be rudley awakened by
frenzied "it's cool!" interjections during "Transcendental Meditation"
and shuffle grumpily through the kitchen door to make a cup of tea.
Brandt's hamster has also died, but unlike other listees, he has
decided to sellotape the unfortunate creature to his chin. Trousers
has binned a tree, in a vain attempt to attract the attention of the
young lady in the background.

On Monday I'm going to be an interpreter. What's the name of that
bloke who talks funny, was on a Small Faces record? I'm going to do it
like that. Speaking of jobs, me and the missus want jobs in the
British Isles area, so I've decided to leave it up to you lot. Bear in
mind that I've seen "Rosetta" and I will probably find a way to nick
YOUR job, unless you can wangle me one. I mean two. It doesn't matter
if it's shovelling shit, as long as it pays enough to live like
Steptoe on acid. It's all wheels within wheels.

Peter

With that the sinister list waggled its bushy eyebrows and disappeared
in
a flash of blue flame leaving behind only a faint smell of semen

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