Sinister: Sini-Surivors of the holidays

[Alexander Borgia]

Good Evening Sinister Sini-Survivors of the Christmas Holiday....

 I think Spike may have a career on the net. Sort of like the way those
other hamsters are the "Beatles" of the hamster rock and roll world with
the good boy image. Spike could be the Stones version of Net Hamster.
Get him a leather jacket, an agent, a fast hamster car. Throw in some
loud awful sounds and create a scandal then sit back and collect
royalties. In a few weeks sell the bugger on e-bay for a few hundred
thousand, (well, I mean, who wants a hamster so starved for attention
that he plays dead and messes up your emotions, plus you will have all
that guilt from exploiting the little guy and the best way to combat
that is to make him go away.) Then invest all the money into short term
investments. Buy yourself a degree and retire in the Caymen Islands
ordering Belle and Sebastian cd's over the internet.

The Major, who couldn't be with us this evening because he is exhausted
from having played Quake 3  and other computer games all day, would like
to say that he is looking forward to spending next Christmas with his
dad rather than the lunatic bin which his mother always gets guilted
into attending. You will notice that when the annual Christmas specials
appear on the televsion that every year when you see it, you see
something a little differently than the last time. At the institution
where they seem to give unlimited day passes, everything will happen
exactly as it does every year. There will be no deviation from the set
pattern. Grandma will stay up all Christmas Eve drinking and making
enough food for an entire subdivision. Eventually near when the time is
about right she will pass out until around 11:00 in the morning.

Then the psychotic behaviour starts. The oldest sister, and alcholic
with serious epilepsy and mental deficiency will arrive with her
husband, equally resticted to a very strange world. Medication seems to
stabilize him. Naturally they will arrive quite under the influence and
will no doubt be in a snit over some minor inconvience. Of course she
will be bruised at some place for having had one of her twice weekly
seizures. She's not supposed to drink, but she is supposed to take her
meds. She got it backwards. Oh, and they eat lots of onions so their
farts, many of them, smell really bad.

Then will arrive the oldest brother, a person on welfare in his mid 40's
because he broke down 5 years ago when he decided to reveal to the world
that since he had been 18 he was incapable obtaining anything more than
a semi. He thrived on weeping to anyone who would listen all about his
sexual dysfunction. Eventually he will come out of the closet.

Most like will arrive with the oldest is the next in line. He is the one
that a fringe order of  Franciscan monks decided to send home until he
could resolve some of his problems. My understanding was that was why
people joined up with the fringe elements. They had a midget amongst
them and they dressed in brown robes and sandals. So now he is managing
a doughnut shop and I am quite certain he still has not gone out with a
woman. However the monks did share underwear. But they ate alot of
cabbage so their farts smelled really bad.

Next there are the indetical twins in their mid thirties who have never
moved out of the basement of their mother's house. They keep each other
company. They are very quiet and drink excessively. Their career paths
are wallowing in a factory somewhere and applying undercoating on cars.
The truly have no life.

The youngest of the brood will possibly arrive with his girlfriend, and
although normal in appearance, spend most of his formative years in
substance abuse and now appears to be enlarging himself through over
eating.

The next member in the gather is the televesion in the living room, and
the radio in the kitchen. They will be turned up loud and and nobody
will be listening nor watching either. They are used only to somehow
insert a sane person into the room. (Sorry, not allowed to say anything
bad about the Major's mom, as much as I would like to.<g>)

Everyone will drink too much, eat too much, and argue too much. All
until it's time to go home. Same thing every year. The Major  survives
in true commando style by eating gobs of chocolate, much like many
people out there, and rushing on sugar all day. He is the only young
one, and it is highly unlikely that ay of them will ever propogate,
which is a wonderful thought for humanity, so he will be overwhelmed
with toys to help him on his sugar high. He somehow landed in complete
Pokémon heaven by amassing a few hundred cards and other stuff like
chunks of coloured glass.

My own traumatic experience was that my lighter ran out on Christmas Eve
and I only had 18 matchs to last me the entire day. I lit a candle and
used that for me smokes until Boxing Day when I went across the street
to the store to get a new lighter and discovered that they had remained
open 24 hours because they are Muslims.

I hope Archel keeps me in mind when she has completely exploited the
hamster for having come up with the idea.

Isobel Campbell can do no wrong. She is who she is and that is why we
like her so. One must accept the lovely miss exactly as she is, and love
her dearly.

Same goes for List Mummy who we all hope is feeling better.

Alexander



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