Sinister: We're so pretty, oh so pretty

[Kevan Cooke]

It's funny, but I would have expected Mrs Murdoch to say "caretaker" rather
than "janitor".  Perhaps Struan picked up a few Americanisms on tour, and
they've rubbed off on his mother.

Jonelle, don't let Keith pull the wool over your eyes.  A bollock is in fact
a small furry burrowing animal closely related to the gonad.  They are
predominant in heathland where you have to watch your step or you will end
up crushing them.  There are few things less pleasant than a crushed bollock,
so it is not unusual to come across a signpost in the English countryside
saying "Mind the Bollocks".

When the Sex Pistols tramped through the heathland they paid little attention
to the country code.  They would leave farm gates wide open, throw still
burning cigarette ends into dry grass, take birds eggs from nests, and they
would never mind the bollocks.

Belle and Sebastian best newcomers eh?  I think they're up against Cornershop,
so you obviously can't qualify for the award until after you've released three
albums.  If the Stone Roses were to reform and release a new album they'd
probably be in with a chance too.

Top Ten Brit Award moments:

1 Crowd booing Kenneth Clarke
2 Crowd booing Cliff Richard after he told them off for booing Kenneth Clarke
3 Samantha Fox and Mick Fleetwood
4 Jarvis Cocker's arse
5 Sorry, can't think of anything else

Kevan
The Fat Slug


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