Sinister: Jolly the Walrus

[Chris Leonard]

Mmm, lovely heroin.   People look at me funny all the time because I'm a
drug addict.  Speaking of which, Miss Julia and i attended the local
picture house last weekend to see "The Acid House".  To tell the truth I
found it quite hideous viewing, I didn't enjoy it much at all.  "A soft
touch" was the best, but still I wouldn't want to see it again.  The
first Scene with Slow Graffiti was excellent.  I really liked the way
the keyboard plays in the background before Struan and the gang kick the
jams.   Unfortunately the scene ends with a couple going for it up the
bottom style.  Christ, you could hardly show your parents that, could
you?  Shocking.  I bet Isobel was not amused at all.  I certainly
wasn't.  Down with this sort of thing.

I saw a stoat once, and a tawny owl.   The owl was sat in the middle of
the road, and I slammed on the brakes.   Emergency stop!  We regarded
each other, and for a moment I was gained the wisdom of the owl.  Owls,
you see are very wise creatures indeed.  

And for that moment, when I was as wise as the owl I thought about many
things.  I could think very clearly - answers to questions that had
burdened me through my life came freely.  Emotion and chemicals and war
and religion, all of these things were simple to me, and I knew what had
to be done to make the world a wonderful place again. 

But, when the moment passed I was exhausted.   I passed out on the
steering wheel.  I awoke the next morning, and the car was covered in
snow.  And I had turned into a fox.   I climbed out through the radiator
and ran as fast as I could to the nearest church, which was Hyndland
church in Glasgow's west end.   The church had a closed sign on it, so I
couldn't go in a pray to be returned to my natural state.  I started
crying, because I was starving and cold.   Just then a friendly voice
came from behind.   "Are you wost, wittle one?".  I looked up to see a
young man with kind eyes and excellent bone structure.  And a big
earring.  "Come with me wittle one, and I'll feed you warm you up".
"Thank you kind sir" I said in my fox voice.   

The young man took me to the Grovener Cafe and bought me a vegetarian
all day breakfast.   He talked of the loves of his life and showed me a
picture he had drawn of a pretty lady.   When I ate my last bean I
realised I was no longer a fox.  I was Rod Begbie.
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