Sinister: morning thoughts I s'pose

[Erlend Hammer]

Howdy,

Okay, please bear with me, it's 8 a.m. and according to my usual sleeping schedule I should've been a good four hours into dreamland by now, and I'm normally not scheduled to get up in another 6 hours. But I'm sick and couldn't sleep at all so I got up when I heard my parents getting up for work. I think I've got a cold and that's no fun as I'm going to a festival next week and sleeping in tents is a no-no when sick, says mummy. Real life, gave-birth-to-me-mummy, not list-mummy. But at least I'm not at Roskilde which opens today. Did anyone here go to Glastonbury, was it good? What was the Mogwai set like? E-mail me privately if this is not sufficiently this-listy.

Anyway, when I got up this morning, a couple of hours ago, I watched this American religious mass-meeting programme that for some reason was on the telly. At first there was a white, ugly business-looking woman singing a gospel tune (sample lyric "Jesus is gonna do a miracle, Jesus is gonna do a miracle, cuz Jesus is a miracleman".) This didn't bother me and I found it amusing, no doubt because of my sleep-depraved state, isn't that how these people recruit new followers, by keeping them up for days and then they're so fucked they'll believe anything? Anyway, then this man in a white suite (what else?) came on stage and starting pushing people around and I felt it was getting a bit disturbing. A girl was brought onto the stage and they talked about how she'd addicted to cocaine, and that she had the scars on her arms to prove it! So that was funny again. But I felt it was time for some of the devils melodies and so I watched MTV for a bit. Okay, I'll ramble about things semi-related to current threads now.

Isobel bashers are mean, Isobel is a goddess. When the Gentle Waves album was released I saw a picture of Isobel and, not knowing who she was, I ran around my apartment telling my roommates to have a look "it's the most beautiful girl I have EVER EVER seen!" I said to them, and they all laughed their usual "oh, Erlend and his silly taste in girlies" laugh. When I later showed the picture to this girl that I used to live with she said something along the lines of "who's that farmer's daughter?". Needless to say I have not spoken to any of my so-called friends since and I have in fact been locked up in my room plastering the walls with copies of various Isobel pictures. 

Oh, someone mentioned the Aphex Twin video, I think it's hilarious and brilliant, as are all of Aphex's videos. Richard James' musical genius far surpasses that of our Stuart. Umm, no flames now, okay? Seriously, though, there's no one quite like the Twin and he writes the best pop songs this side of, err, I don't know, someone else who writes really good pop songs. Morrissey maybe. 

I mentioned my roommates and I just realised that my friends are actually the smuttiest people in the world. So I should probably come up with some good stories about them to tell you all. One particularly smutty roommate was named KC (Kinky Cunt) by the rest of us, this was after he showed us pictures of himself dressed up in his girlfriend's underwear. Trust me when I say that this is not something you want to see when the pictures are of someone you live with. He also at some point informed us that he doesn't like body hair at all and that he in fact shaves all areas of his body, except his head. I wasn't too happy about knowing that either. His girlfriend by the way is the girl who called Isobel a farmer's daughter in the first paragraph of this post. She, by the way, is the Queen of Smut and I'm thinking about writing a book about her. I could go on + on.

Speaking of all this smut I was searching the archives to see if any of my non-music interests had previously been debated and I was shocked that there was not a single mention of the fantastically brilliant Peter Greenaway. So now, if anyone does a search for him in the future, they'll get this. But I suppose Greenaway isn't exactly the sort of film-maker all you twee twee people out there would like. He's kind of Mr. Anti-Twee, I think. Incidentally in his Drowning By Numbers you find the greatest children's character ever and his name is Smut. Is this pure fantasy or would one actually be allowed to name a kid Smut in England?
 
Erlend