Sinister: Hip to the Trip

[Sarah]

Dear you lot, 

Speaking of being Hip to the Trip, I can't go to any Northern
Tigermilking night. I'm previously engaged to go to Strettles and dance
to the New Radicals for my friends 18th birthday. Woohoo!

That Pete Miller, the crazy young bubble-permed scamp used this: "The
Indestructible Township Jive of Preston" as his subject line. This
seemed as good a reason as any for me to give you the latest updates on
the music capital of the Uk's adventures.

The hot news rockin' the North West is that Preston will apparently soon
become a city! Which means Preston will have the same status as The City
Of London Town! Isn't that good! I've been saying for ages that Preston
could whup Londons arse anyway - now the two teams are in the same
league, Preston will have a chance to demonstrate its majestic force.
Watch out London! Prestons moved up from the Beazer Home Gardens League
to Londons Trendy Met Bar GM Conference league. Ha. VINDICATION!

Not really. Even Lancaster is a city these days. 

Heres a teaser. Rumour has is that my teeny village of Warton, and the
next door teeny village of Freckleton (which boasts a "Bargin Booze"
outlet) are going to merge, to constitute a new "town". Apart from being
quite frankly a big load of bollocks, I've had much amusement from
wondering if the new "town" will be called "Warkleton". 

I went to another beauty spot of the North-West this week as well.
Yesterday I was driven at BREAKNECK SPEED in a car that had no brakes
(the road drops off going round a corner. Driver squeals round the
corner at 60mph, nearly avoiding death, and then cheerfully announces
"haha, looks like the brakes are gone!".... I proceed to lose all sanity
from then onwards.) to the inbred village of Newton. Its up a steep hill
and down a steep hill. You pass a huge great big transmitter-ariel
thing. I cant' tell you where exactly it is because I only opened my
eyes about three times throughout that journey.

Anyway! The purpose of this visit was to see my friend Ben wear a
glittery dress and a blonde wig in a Youth Club play. How provincial! I
think thats the most 'small-village-girl' I've ever got in my LIFE. I
then realised the aching cultural and social chasms between me and the
inhabitants of po caffs etc.

Jasper Buckaroo, whilst jetting back to London from Paris, on mobile
phone to Toby Titwank:

Jasper Buckaroo: "Shall one see a Popular Band at the Po Caff, Covent
Garden, upon this night?"
Toby Titwank: "Yes haw haw, what a splendiferous idea! Shall I bring a
bottle of bolly and send round the chauffer?"
Jasper Buckaroo: "Sorted!"

Whereas I go to Plungington on the number 22 bus.

Sarah : "We're going to Newton to watch Ben wear a dress."
Sarahs friend: "Yes."
Sarah: "Your dad will drive us over steep hills at 60mph and then
discover the car has no brakes."
Sarahs friend: "Correct once more."
Sarah: "You'd better have your camera."
Sarahs friend: "I do."
Sarah and Sarahs friend in unison: "oh dear...."
Sarahs head explodes and she makes no more sense for the rest of the
night.

That last comment also apllies to Lesley-Jo's art school girl situation.
Just say, "look right, I'm fed up with you holding out on me, are we
going to snog or what", and lunge for it. You could get drunk
beforehand. Hey, I'm only a girl on a mail list, I'm not an advice
column. 

Or!! just kidnap Isobel and whisk her away to your house! At least it
means she'd be further away from me. Thank the lord.

"The Buxoms"? Do I want to know anything more? Does it invole "Womb
Power"? Oh get thee to a Helen Reddy record. I have the best of Helen
Reddy. I can't listen to it without feeling I should have underarm hair
and my legs crossed. 

bye then, 
Sarah 
xxx
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