Sinister: There's reason behind my reptile smile

[Mark Casarotto]

Now that I'm back from oiling the wheels of justice (and cutting the brake
cable, draining the clutch and peeing in the fuel tank) while on jury
service, I can tell you all about the horrific, depraved underworld of the
master criminal into which I was submerged for the last fortnight. Except,
erm, I can't, as when there are 1,000 potential witnesses listening to you
instead of the usual one (or none, more often than not), contempt of court
may not be such a good idea...

Anyway, it wasn't very interesting, though more interesting than sitting on
my arse for eight days waiting to be called onto a trial. No such luck. 2
cases collapsed, 1 delayed, 1 belated guilty plea and two where I made the
15 chosen but ended up being one of the three not in the starting line up.
Finally I made it, and as a surprise my other jurors, feeling sorry for me
after my over-histrionic tale of woe, made me the foreman. The problem with
being the foreman is that you can't give the arsehole for the prosecution
the finger as you mumble "not guilty". Hey ho, justice has been served, and
all that. I was disappointed not to have to persuade all 11 other angry
young men that I was right and they were wrong, as we all agreed within
thirty seconds and then ate sandwiches for an hour and a half to make it
look like we were hard at thought.

It's evident that the most successful thing about this letter is the way I'm
bringing to you, the reader, an indication of quite how tedious the whole
thing was. Oh well.

It would be kind of interesting to know what the Sinister collective's ideal
cover song for B&S to perform would be. If anyone wants to write to me and
let me know (privately, natch), I shall draft a begging letter to Struan and
suggest they play it during their triumphant return to Bowlie II* as
surprise guests** in September......

Props again to all the funsters at the London picnics, specially the Sunday
one that I could actually go to - and I think the Sinister footie squad
would definitely be better for an ex-Camera Obscura player - like Eric
Cantona asking to join Billingham Sinfonia. Martin, you're one of us,
mate...

And on that touching note I'll leave you with a little tale of a B&S dream.
Struan was playing a solo gig at some kind of mini-festival - he was
followed on stage by a goth band, if that's any idea - and when I shouted
"play paper Boat!" he leant down and whispered to me, his lips brushing
sensually against my ear. Um. Not quite sure what to make of that, really.

If one of Belle and Sebastian left, would they still be the same band?

Mark

*which you are all going to, of course. Oh go on...
**obviously a complete flight of fancy. Please don't think I know things,
strange things that man should not know...
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