Sinister: mr. and mrs. erotic american

[Pinaplcrsh at xxx.com]

so i listened to tigermilk proper for the first time last night as i was 
trying to go to sleep. i was hoping it would take me far away to a lovely 
fantasy land where i had no problems. i had lost it by 'she's losing it' and 
was silently crying into my pillow so i wouldn't wake up my friend sleeping 
next to me. why can't i have an artgirl or a crush on a waitress i don't 
know? why do i have to be deeply in love with a girl who can't be with me? 
can you teach someone that they're capable of loving or do they have to 
figure it out on their own? i know she's got the love in her, but she won't 
admit to herself or anyone else. i'm willing to try anything to shake it out 
of her. i just want to be allowed to love her and take care of her for the 
rest of our lives-to sit on the porch with my cats and her dog and the 
bunnies we talked about getting together. there were posts a while ago about 
dreaming that you were in love, but they were far from real as i noticed 
there wasn't much hurt in them. *sigh* oh, i just found the post by alisdair 
about his dream. that feeling in the pit of your stomach doesn't go away 
easily and it's even worse when accompanied by a heart that aches from being 
smashed into a million pieces. maybe a picture of genevieve's heaving prom 
bosoms would cheer me up...

sorry for all the sulking. i did love tigermilk though, of course. i think 
iyfs is still my favorite, but tigermilk could take it's place very soon. it 
won't get proper stereo play until i get over the beauty of the new marine 
research album though. i'm head over heels for it and i keep picturing amelia 
dancing with her recorder and cathy looking stunning behind her keyboard. 
that cathy is quite a picture. i'm hoping that she and isobel can play nicely 
together and not fight for my dreams. isobel happens to pop up quite often, 
usually in a supporting role, but she blows me kisses a lot as i pass by her. 
i had all these things i've been wanting to post about and i can't remember 
them. thank you to all of you who sent me birthday wishes and offers of 
gifts. i promise i will write back to you soon. i dreamt that i ran into the 
duke last night at the sanrio store in san fransisco. he was wearing a gold 
cardboard crown. that's how i recognized him as the duke. i'm worried about 
honey. i heard that he's ill. is he ok? oh, another way this list is taking 
over my daily life...i keep thinking that i'm reading paula cullen booze 
explosion on everything. my mind is playing tricks. cocktail hour is starting 
so i'll go now. sorry that this post is lacking so much, but i had to tell 
someone about my heart. hope all of you are well.
*alyssa marie*
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