Sinister: On the nature of love...

[Justin Williams]

Dear Brandt,

I wish I had time to write more but I am at work right now. I'm sure you
realize that my or anyone else's idea of whether or not the "perfect" mate
exists is quite relative so I won't bother making that disclaimer about my
own opinions. 

I personally think that an omnipresent love is the common denominator
behind all assumed "perfect" matches, well that and things the two people
have in common. I think that love is something that always exists within us
and it only shows itself when we meet someone that we can relate to and who
seems compatible with us. So, unless you are the strangest, most unique
person on earth, chances are that there are many people out there who could
eventually be your "perfect" mate. I know by saying that, it may sound like
I am cheapening the individual aspects of love, but of course when we are
in a loving relationship we never want to admit that there is someone else
out there who we could love equally and possible more so if you ever met
them therefore we make ourselves believe (whether or not it is true) that
the person we are with is the perfect one...until things fall apart, if
they do, and we begin to question the existence of soulmates all over again.

I have thought about the concept of soulmates quite often and although I
have come to the conclusion that I just mentioned, it's not very comforting
is it? It may be all well and good from a first person perspective, but
when you sit there wondering if your mate is going to find someone he or
she loves more than you, it's enough to drive one mad. I think there are
some basic elements that if present in a relationship, will help keep it
together despite individual differences. Trust, communication and
open-mindedness. More often that not one person is either more trusting,
communicative or open-minded than the other when a relationship fails. I
think, although rare, when both people are equal in those aspects, they can
overcome many, many things. I hope it doesn't sound like I am preaching or
anything like that, I am just passionate about relationships. =) 

I really don't mean to disenchant the idea of soulmates because I think it
is, at its base, a very valuable and real thing, but you just have to be
careful that you are not misinterpreting things in common as signs of your
perfect mate. I mean, if they are meant for you, don't you think they would
be aware of your interest in them and possibly show the beginnings of a
return of those feelings? But what do I know? I am not even in a
relationship right now, but I digress...=) Before I go I want to leave you
a quote spoken about a woman that the author has only seen once for a
single hour and with whom he has never spoken (and it is taken a bit out of
context so although it sounds a bit creepy coming from someone that has
never met their object of affection, it is really intended as a devotional
to womankind as a whole. He loves love but seems to have a problem with
individual compatabilities or human relations):

"...no matter who has ever loved you, he never loved you more than I do, no
man ever granted you more power over himself, unqualified power. But I'm
condemned to be untrue. I belong to those windy voices, who don't love
women, who love only love.
     All of us wanderers are made like this. A good part of our wandering
and homelessness is love, eroticism. The romanticism of wandering, at least
half of it, is nothing else but a kind of eagerness for adventure. But the
other half is another eagerness -- an unconcious drive to transfigure and
dissolve the erotic. We wanderers are very cunning -- we develop those
feelings which are impossible to fulfill; and the love which actually
should belong to a woman, we lightly scatter among small towns and
mountains, lakes and valleys, children by the side of the road, beggars on
the bridge, cows in the pasture, birds and butterflies. We separate love
from its object, love alone is enough for us, in the same way that, in
wandering, we don't look for a goal, we only look for the happiness of
wandering, only the wandering..."

Although this quote is a bit dated I think it still has many modern day
applications. I myself seem to be falling into the abyss that the author
has. I have been in probably 3 or 4 relationships where the love I felt was
and is pure, but my "personality" or "ego" could not in the end remain with
theirs, despite the love. Love sometimes just isn't enough. I know this may
sound cheesy and not well thought out, but my whole being aspires to love
and be loved. Everything, and I mean everything else is secondary. My
existence (not my personality) is love, I mean it is entirely composed of
love...a love for life, and when I meet someone with whom I can share that
bond, I "fall in love" with them too. I have spent too many years (how
over-dramatic am I, at only 22) searching for my soulmate, when in truth it
is love that I love. A few years ago, if I had been in a relationship with
someone who said to me "I love love",  my ego would immediately be hurt and
I would start to question the validity of their love for me. I mean, do
they just love being in love or do they truly love me? But now I realize
that if someone said that to me, that they meant they love life and life's
manifestation of love has respresented itself in the form of me. I hope I
am not rambling too much. The more my ego dissolves the more and more of
the big picture I am allowed to see, and now I understand that love is its
own means and its own end.  

My god, it looks I did have time to write a lot. Thank you for bringing up
that subject because instead of working for some 20 minutes I have been
able to write a discourse on love =) I hope this at the very least doesn't
hinder you any because I know it probably won't help...I tend to involve
myself too much in trying to give advice to others. Thank you also for
reading this far. I wish you the best of luck finding your "perfect" mate,
whether or not it is your best friend. Until or if we speak again, take
care of yourself...

Justin W

"Often I tried the frightening way of "reality," 
 Where things that count are profession, law, fashion, finance, 
 But disillusioned and freed I fled away alone
 To the other side, the place of dreams and blessed folly." - Hermann
Hesse, Wanderings
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