Sinister: I'm a soulmate

[Jan Imgrund]

>> Anyway,to business.Brandt was wondering about a "perfect" mate.I 
think you'll find that if such creatures existed there would be no 
relationships.Ever.We'd all be waiting for the perfect person.The 
best anyone gets is"good enough" or "the best I'm going to get".In my 
somewhat limited experience anyway. <<

Well I am reluctant to say so, because no one will believe me, but I 
think I indeed have found the perfect mate.. a soulmate, *the* 
soulmate. But I am not in love with her, and she‘s not in love with 
me... can one be in love with one‘s soulmate? It‘s probably a 
question of definition: I would say one can‘t, because there is too 
much harmony in such a relationship. The way I see it, for a love, 
there always must be some tension, some difference... and that‘s of 
course also the reason why it‘s likely to fall apart at some stage. 
But with a soulmate, it‘s different.. the way I am feeling now, this 
is something that can never break up again; the reason perhaps being 
that we do not feel any kind of duty for each other to stay together, 
or, to put it simply: Where there is no love, there is no way the 
love could go away. 
You can imagine perhaps that I have had a hard time explaining this 
special kind of relationship to others: it is nothing that fits into 
any kind of conception society usually stuffs one into. (It‘s not 
either a „platonic friendship“, because, ho-hum... of the lack of 
platonicity..) Often I just say she‘s my girlfriend, to go out of the 
way of complicated explanations.
We did not know what to call it either until she‘s come up with 
calling me her „companion“. I like that. I think that‘s it. We are 
companions. Maybe it‘s a little like what was going on between JP 
Sartre and Simone... though I cannot really tell, because I have not 
read much about what their relationship was like. 
But of course this kind of thing also has its problems, especially: 
what happens if one of us falls in love with someone different? I for 
one still feel that I could very well love someone else, and, even 
though we have been saying that we don‘t have to be true to one 
another, she would certainly be jealous.. as would I in the opposite 
case. what‘s more, as we are sharing a flat right now, having a third 
person in „our“ life would lead to some practical difficulties. 
Concerning „real“ love, I agree to what Marianne said about the two 
kinds of love. I have had a few times *this* crush feeling for 
someone, bt most of the time I knew perfectly well that this could 
never lead to a relationship... and I did not even try to make it 
into one. Which means: I had my crush, and I did not do anything, and 
eventually the feeling would fade. I still think that this was wise, 
though it was also cowardish (cowardy? cowardly?? sorry for my 
english)
Once, though, the feeling was so strong that I tried my luck anyway, 
and it ended in a predictable disaster... And the times that there 
was a proper relationship, there was sometimes this feeling of 
something missing, as Marianne said.  I probably expect too much from 
love... I don‘t know. 
Sometimes I miss being in love, for I have not been in love for quite 
a long time... but, on the other hand, what I have now is so very 
much; there is nothing to complain about. I am a happier man now than 
I ever thought I could be. 

Well... so there. I just wanted to share. I‘m afraid there is nothing 
to be learned from all this; just, perhaps, that love, relationship, 
is different for everyone and that you only run into problems if you 
try to figure out what to call your feelings. This does not need 
names or classifications. Just be as sincere as you can. Oh sorry, 
that sounds cheesy. 
Oh, BTW, does anyone know from whom the sentence is: „It‘s better to 
have loved and lost than never to have loved at all“? I‘m ashamed to 
ask, because it‘s so famous.. but please, have patience with my lack 
of knowledge. 

Regards, 
Jan

 
The Dark Site of the Moon:
   http://perso.club-internet.fr/jimgrund/index.html
Tindersticks page: 
   http://perso.club-internet.fr/jimgrund/tinderpage/tinder.html
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. -Oscar Wilde
+----------------------------------------------------------------------+
   +---+  Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list  +---+
  To send to the list mail "sinister at majordomo.net". To unsubscribe
   send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to
  "majordomo at majordomo.net".  WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister
 +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+
 +-+  "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+
 +-+                     "jelly-filled danishes"                   +-+
+----------------------------------------------------------------------+