Sinister: you must learn to speak Portuguese

[jennifer phillips-bacher]

hello sinister.

there's been some talk around these parts about the things that non-posters
do when they're not not-posting to sinister.  so, you really wanna know
what i'm doing instead of posting?  are you sure?!?  well okay.  i've heard
that outlines are de rigeur these days, so I'll follow suit.  here's what
i've been doing:

1.  RELIVING THE MULLET DISCUSSION
If you search the archives, you'll discover that everyone's favorite 'do,
the Mullet (aka hockey hair; the Short-Long), has been the subject of many
a fine discussion.  I can't get enough!  I dream mullets.  So today, I was
"surfing" the "web" and came upon this lovely website: 

http://grove.ufl.edu/~paisita/mullet2.htm

Make haste!

2.  MAKING LOVE
Often when I read my daily dose of sinister messages, my mind turns to that
physio-chemical-emotional-mindfuck known as "love".  A wise man once sang
"Love, hoo!, good god y'all, what is it good for?" and I applaud his fine
lyricship.  Love shmove, that's what i say.  Waging war is much more my
style.  The only way for me to successfully repress my feelings of warm
gooey love for my fellow sinisterians is to build pipe bombs in my
basement.  My mum warned me that someday a nice fellow will come along and
violently rip me away from Mistress Mayhem and I will be cradled lovingly
in the arms of Lady Love, but after scraping my knees for the final time on
the playing field of amour, I can only say, "Mum, you're a rotten liar!".
Humph.

3.  SUMMER READING LIST
Maybe my current state of discontent has something to do with what I'm
reading.  I'm juggling "Nausea" by everyone's favorite existentialist
Sartre, "Laughter in the Dark" by Nabokov, and "Lipstick Traces" by Griel
Marcus.  Here's what i've learned so far:  1.  life is nothing but
excrement.  2.  marriage is silly because it all ends up in cheating and
lying anyway. and 3.  punk rock is the answer.  or is it the question?  For
the rest of the summer, I vow to read nothing but P.G. Wodehouse.

4.  THE WINDY CITY
The time has come for me to leave America's Dairy State, Wisconsin--I'm
heading south, baby!  For anyone who is interested, I will be moving to
Chicago in a matter of weeks, so if you're around the area, either a
resident of the city or a visitor, please let me know, I'd love to make you
Rice Krispie treats.  I think a September meet-up would be terrific, maybe
before/after the Magnetic Fields gig (9/17)?

5.  FEMALE MASTURBATION

6.  SWEET SWEET MUSIC
Tigermilk has really rescued my summer from the death grip of heat and sun.
 I sit on my plush orange loveseat, eating blue popsicles and listening to
"My wandering days are over" and "I could be dreaming" over and over and
over again.  In front of a fan.  Naked.  (ok, the last part is a lie)  And
how could the heat possibly get me down if I have Os Mutantes' "Baby" on cd?  

So, there you have it:  the main activities of a sinisterian who never
posts.  Stay tuned til next time when I tell you all about making paper out
of pulp.

xoxo
jenn




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