Sinister: Monks and Bishops

[Robin Stout]

ORGASM

There was a boy in my class when I was, oooh, about ten years old called
Tim. He came into class one day and said "I'm having an orgasm!". We
couldn't understand what he was talking about. What was an orgasm? Was it
like an armadillo? You see Tim was the sort of kid who had a telly in his
room and had been watching it, with one hand on the off button, after most
of us were in bed, and had seen a programme about orgasms. Tim had been too
preoccupied in listening for the creak on the stairs to know what an orgasm
actually was, so seeing as the kids thought I was quite clever they asked
me. "Actually", I said, "It's pronounced org-an-i-sm. It's a sort of animal
I think." Tim was sure that wasn't what it was at all, but I insisted that
was what it was. Good job they listened to me, eh?

BISHOP

I read somewhere that men "shake hands with the bishop" because if they
didn't their bollocks would explode. Not an actual bishop of course.
Apparently the testicles fill up and become quite tight and if you don't
have a wank you will have a Dirty Dream instead. So maybe this explains the
song. Although Stuart seems quite fond of wanking, doesn't he? Maybe it also
explains why monks always walk so slowly.

LIST CRUSH

I'm feeling dead happy now that I have two crushes on the crush list.
Thanks!

BUMBLING OLD NUT

Cap'n Emily called her gran a "bumbling old nut". This was very funny.

STUART'S OLD TEACHER

If you haven't seen the all-new Belle and Bebastian site yet, have a look.
Mad Dog Murdoch's piece about his old teacher is dead funny.


            Dare to be square, kids!

                                                    Robin xxx


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