Sinister: Chimple Things please Chimple Minds (scant crumbs of B&S content)

[Tim Hopkins]

Want to hear a sad story?

Setting aside Friday night's high jinks (except to say that to see Jim 
Shepherd singing 'Cold Heart' and to see Pam Berry singing 'Useless' had 
been long-standing ambitions of mine, both fulfilled in the one church hall, 
wow...), and passing over Saturday night's Eurovisionvison party (except to 
say it's possible to sing bits of 'Belle and Sebastian' along to that 
atrocious winning entry), the third peak of my triplet-peaked weekend was to 
be seeing none other than Mister Kenny Rogers at none other than the Royal 
Albert Hall in none other than London, England.

It meant that I had to leave the Sinister pique-nique early, which was 
(naturally) pretty heart-rending, but hey, we had obtained some freebie 
tickets for none other than a box in a balcony right by the stage...free 
wine and nibbles...who could ask for anything more?

As it turned out, we could have asked for more. Just around the time you lot 
were discussing bombs and stuff, there was none other than a bomb scare 
causing none other than an evacuation of the hall, and the end of the 
evening's entertainment.

One of the middle aged women I was talking to saw Mr. Rogers and his lovely 
wife Wanda being chauffered away from the venue within a couple of minutes 
of the alarm being raised. Not such a gambler after all, it seems.

Anyroadupluv, the Albert Hall still stands, and it appears the scare was a 
fake. We wandered down the road to a marvellous Polish restaurant and ate 
big piles of MEAT. It's what Kenny would have wanted.

We did get to see the set by Linda Davis, who performed 'Nashville Waltz'. 
Has anyone ever noticed a distinct similarity between the melody of 
'Nasville Waltz' and the melody of 'Slow Graffiti'? Thought not.

I have to wonder who would want to bomb Kenny Rogers? Was it one of you lot?

ian wrote:

>other random things that come into my head..a slap for the person who
>slagged off jefferson airplane...remember what the doormouse said.

Ooh! That was me! I've been slapped online! Cool! Actually, the last 
dormouse I was talking to advised me to avoid Jefferson Moped's hippy drivel 
like the plague. I thought it good advice. I once endured a car journey in 
which my chauffeuse and her friend (who was the most boring man on the 
planet) played 'White Rabbit' at least 20 times. I was delighted, as you can 
probably imagine. I hate rabbits almost as much as I hate hippies.

ian wrote:

>a kiss for the person who was talking about grace jones, just >because.

Ooh! That was me! He slapped me and it felt like a kiss! Cool!

Since the response to my plea for cheese puns has elicited little more than 
a trickle of response, I thought I'd join in myself. Here are a few you 
missed:

The Stilton I Am In
You Made Me Forget My Chaumes
It Could Have Been A Brilliant Paneer
Is It Wicked Not To Camembert
I know where the Cheddar Goes
Put The Brick Back on the Shelf

You see the fun we could have had? Ah well, no sense crying over part-rotted 
milk. To other matters...

Mr David 'More and' Moore, Chelmsford UK wrote:

>Hands off Jefferson Ornithopter Tim, or I'll send you a compilation >tape 
>of their offshoot bands' output, featuring such delights as >Universal 
>Copernican Mumbles; tracks from Grace's Manhole - "a >novocained nun 
>shrieking Spanish civil war songs in a Chinese >brothel" ; Across The Board 
>("7 inches of pleasure, ooooh, going >home"); & a mere few hours of 1971 
>Live Hot Tuna.

I MUST HAVE THAT TAPE! Not only will the bit with the nun remind me of my 
holidays, but Jeffo Pushbike offshoots will be ideal for torturing Neil 
Hannon, who I kidnapped over the weekend and who is now locked up in my 
basement. It would be the best place for him if only the bugger wouldn't 
keep singing. Ugh.

Congrats to Dr. 'I'm Into' C.B. Stride, if he's still around, on the passage 
of the mighty Hornets into the top flight. Why not hold a Top Indie Night in 
Sheffield by way of celebration? Ditto the Tagster on the progress of his 
lot...back where you belong! There's more than one team from Manchester who 
get the smooth end of the injury time stick, it seems.

He Hit Me And It Felt Like A Proboscis.

Cheerio

Tim


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