Sinister: we will take off our clothes

[Erlend Hammer]

Hi.

Do most of you people write your Sinister posts when you're bored? Well, I'm going to do
that now so bear with me. I'm not sure if there's anything I have to say so sorry about
that. Oh yes.

A Spawny Git claimed to have been out drinking and stuff. Yeah right! Methinks he was
sitting alone in his bedroom re-watching Blue Velvet for the millionth time. :)

A girl (sorry I deleted the post and my memory isn't too good) wrote about her delicious
substitute teacher. Don't say that! As I mentioned in my last post I am currently working
as a substitute teacher and the thought that all the 12 year-old girls are lusting after
me is highly disturbing. I mean, it's bad enough having to deal with the constant
giggling and pointing and peculiar looks and I don't need to hear that this sort of thing
is actually normal. I have two weeks to go. And another thing, why the hell do I never
get this sort of attention from girls my own age? Maybe that's too much to ask. But
anyway, if anyone out there is a teacher, how on earth do you deal with this sort of
thing on a regular basis?

Does anyone here like rap music? Do you listen to that Westwood chap? Is he taking the
piss, or is he actually the most hilarious creature ever let loose on worldwide radio? I
was accidentally exposed to some of his show last night and he struck me as the sort of
person who is probably beaten the shit out of everywhere he goes, what with his "cool"
Yankee rap slang and all performed in his slightly stoned English accent. 

Oh, cool. I just came up with some lovely harmonies for Neutral Milk Hotel's "Holland
1945". I think it's romantic to be in love with a girl who died two decades before one
was born. Does that make me sick? That reminds me of John Peel introducing Stereolab the
other night, he was talking about his new sexual body donor card. It's not the kind that
allows doctors to use your body parts for medical causes. Oh no, this is a card that
allows people to shag you once you're dead, if they should have the inclination to do so.
This I think is a very tolerant self-sacrifice and as such surely at the forefront of
goodness. The card also features a small box to tick if you object to your body being
dismembered during the act of naecropheliac (probably wrong spelling, never really
learned to spell that word, funny enough) sex. Oh, by the way, if anyone wants to hear
that Stereolab session I'll gladly trade copies for something nifty. 

Whilst I was in the nursery there was a thread about things up the nose. I've never
actually stuck anything up my nose, but I remember one time I was eating some extremely
spicy tacos when suddenly I choked on some meat and then it went up that secret passage
between the throat and the nose so that I had found myself with very, very hot Mexican
food coming out of my nose. That was not pleasant, not at all.

As for an ideal childhood I think that would have to involve living somewhere in
Yorkshire on a farm. When I was younger my favorite TV series used to be All Creatures
Great And Small and I thought that whole country practice veterinarian (sp?) thing looked
very romantic. Which was probably silly of me as I now can't see anything romantic about
having to put little rabbits "to sleep" (when officially the rodent's just off to live
with some kid's aunt, in Scotland.) and sticking your entire arm up some randy bull's
bum. 

Okay then, I reckon that's about enough. I'm off to drink all the Martini my younger
sister keeps in her closet hiding it from our fanatic teetotaller-parents. Chin chin.

Erlend
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