Sinister: fratboy ahead

[Jan Imgrund]

Bonsoir list. 

I did not quite succeed in being the first to admit to being in a 
"greek system", but at least the first who is in a fraternity.. not 
that I'm proud now..
Well I have to say it's maybe a bit different for me, as I am in a 
german fraternity and not in an american one, and if all that has 
been said about the "greek system" is true, then it's quite similar 
in some respects, but very different in others. 
I'll start with the similaritties, because that's  shorter. We also 
like to have parties, and the music at those parties is not exactly 
high art. 
But we do not have ugly rituals for being accepted, and no one of us 
pays for coming in. What a hilarious idea really! Another major 
difference is that being in a fraternity is not common at all; there 
is not a majority of "fratboys", but a very very vast minority: at 
the german university I've been (Cologne), there were about 500 in a 
total of 60,000. Sororities exist, but they are so few that I've 
never seen a real sorority "sister" until now... 
So, if anything, it's us who get bullied and not the other way 
around. As for the thing that fratboys are all stupid jocks, I can 
agree to the sinister sorority girl: I've met lots of stupid and 
narrow-minded people through the fraternity, and I've met lots of 
wonderful people as well. You can't categorize this, and while I 
believe all of you when you say that most of the american fratboys 
are just horrible (I'm noticing a severe lack of abuse language in my 
vocabulary here :), I think it's mostly due to the fact that they are 
so many... and the majority is mostly dumb. I doubt those people 
would be much better outside of a fraternity.
But, on the subject of horrible fraternities, I should not pass under 
silence that the most hateable species of fraternities also stems 
from Germany: it's those who have fencing-dueling tournaments against 
each other with the obejctive of getting cuts in the face which leave 
scars... the scars being something you're supposed to be proud of as 
a sign that you're particularly courageous... I won't even try to 
explain that kind of thing, because I don't understand it myself. 
What's more, many of those fraternities are known to be meeting 
points of the extreme-right, neo-nazi scene. It's a real problem for 
all german fraternities, because everyone thinks they are all like 
that and think you're a racist when you say that you are in a 
fraternity. 
And I am not, believe me... besides a few of my fraternity brothers 
are members of the socialist party. And as for homophobic, well... a 
majority of them are gay, so that's not really an issue either ;) 
So why did I go there myself, you might be asking. Am I such a saddo 
that I could not find friends otherwise? Please ask, because I want 
to answer. Never mind, I'll answer anyway. 
Well I met some of my best friends there, and a few of them are 
people who I would have had no chance to meet otherwise, because they 
are living in completely different worlds, so to say. And that's 
interesting. And there's a certain atmosphere to a fraternity ( at 
least to the one I am in), that might be hard to describe to someone 
who has not experienced it. It's different whether you are friends 
with someone, even a very good friend, or if you call him "brother" 
and know that you've got a bond with him that will last a lifetime... 
I'm not sure if it would feel anything like that in an american frat, 
though.. maybe in some.. but I certainly would have trouble feeling 
at ease in a community where you had to pay for and that tortured you 
before they let you in. 
And, just for the record, I'd like to point out that I have indeed 
friends out of the fraternity. More than inside, that is. 
This just to say that not all fraternities are *evil*... sorry for my 
english. It's a little bit too poor to express complicated things 
like that. 
 
I wanted to say something about bullying as well, but it's so late 
now already.. well I'll try to keep it short. 
I can not say I have been bullied, but I was an outsider all the 
time. I started out being extremely shy in the first years of school, 
keeping to myself most of the time and having next-to-no friends, and 
reading unreasonable amounts... the first thing that saved me was 
literature, and I was extremely lucky to have a library directly 
inside the school that had got all of the German ( and also some 
foreign) literature. So instead of spending the breaks with my 
classmates and having the kind of fun you're supposed to have at that 
age, I spend them all in the library, reading. In fact, if I remember 
well, I spend all my time between 14 and about 18 doing nothing much 
else than reading... Of course I wanted to become a writer... I still 
do, though I'm afraid it might be more difficult than I first 
thought... And listened only to classical music until about 16 (Ah, 
Berlioz! listen to Hector Berlioz. Pure wild emotion.)
Finally I got some friends, all boys, computer nerds, we had good fun 
together, none of us ever saw a girl from nearer than arm-length...
In the last years in school, I got a little bit more self-confident, 
although just a little.. it was then that I discovered pop music. 
This is something that has to be said in favour of MTV, by the way, 
because it was through them that I got to know pop music. Of course 
it was a long way to go until there was really good music, but it was 
a start. And,  might I say to the  younger ones among us, there once 
was a time, long ago and far away, when MTV was not all that bad. 
Bad, but not *that* bad. 
Suede was my first revelation in pop music. From Beethoven to 
Suede... They were my second life-saver after the books, so to say. 
Maybe you get an impression of the situation I was in when I say that 
there was no one in my entire year who had ever heard of them. I 
mean, Suede. I don't expect anyone to know B&S... 
Didn't I say somewhere up there I wanted to keep it short? 
Ok, now I will. 
Let's just skip 5 years. Where do we find our hero? depressed, 
lovelorn, suicidal? Not really. I don't really know how it came 
about, if I knew I would tell you so you can all do the same, but I 
got much more self-confident once I had started university; seems to 
be something that happened to quite a few of you. I've found friends, 
people with whom I can talk about everything, I can make compliments 
to girls so that they blush and not me, I live in a wonderful city, 
far away from home, with an adorable girl... and, quite a good 
example that jessica had, I had a birthday party for my 24th.. the 
first one since I was 12 or so.  It's very strange, come to think of 
it. And, after all, I do not regret not having spent my youth at 
parties. The general culture and knowlegde I got in this years is 
something for life; I've even noticed, a disadvantage of having a 
life, that I hardly read good literature any more, due to lack of 
time..
Have you noticed just how many famous people have similar stories 
about their youth to what you've all told? The only example I have in 
mind right now is Uma Thurman, who said everyone mocked her ugliness 
when she was young, but I know there are many others. Strange if you 
think that many of the so-called "cool" would have bullied their 
idols if they had been in class with them...
My theory is that if you have been an outsider at the school, you 
become more self-critical as an adult, and that might lead you to be 
more open-minded and also more tolerant than those who always heard 
they were the best and therefore never see the need question anything 
and to improve as a person. That's not to say that we, the 
"different" ones, are better, but... if you have to go through all 
this hardship in school, I do believe that there is something good in 
this. 

should I become a preacher?

I better stop now until I heal the world. 

bonne nuit. 
Jan



The Dark Site of the Moon:
   http://perso.club-internet.fr/jimgrund/index.html
Tindersticks page: 
   http://perso.club-internet.fr/jimgrund/tinderpage/tinder.html
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. -Oscar Wilde
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