Sinister: dont follow leaders, watch your parkin' meters

[Paula Cullen]

you know that really annoying baz so-called luhrmann song?
well here's the irish version........
(anyone who has already heard it may roll their eyes now and delete at will)

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, alcohol would be it.
> The long-term benefits of alcohol have been consistently
> misunderstood by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no
> basis more reliable than my own drunken experience.
> I will dispense this advice now.
> Enjoy the power and beauty of your alcohol tolerance.
> Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of
> your alcohol tolerance until it's faded.
> But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself
> puking in a gutter and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much
> alcohol you drank and how fabulous it really was.
> You are not as sick as you imagine.
> Don't worry about where the next beer is coming from.
> Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to pull
>  a page three model after 15 pints of Stella.
> The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never
> crossed your drink-addled mind, like the unexpected lack of ale in the
> fridge on
> some idle Tuesday.
>  Drink one thing every day that scares you.
>  Sing badly.
> Be reckless when buying other people drinks.
> Don't put up with people who are reckless when buying yours.
> Gargle.
> Don't waste your time on shandy.
> Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.
> The race is long and, in the end, it's only to the bar.
> Make up compliments you received. Return the insults.
>  If you don't succeed in doing this drink more beer now.
> Keep your old ring pulls. Throw away your old cans.
> Wretch.
> Don't feel guilty if you don't know when you might dry-out in you
>  life.
> The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 when they
> would sober up.
> Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still haven't.
> Get plenty of kebabs. Don't be too kind to your liver. You'll
>  hardly miss it when it's gone.
>  Maybe you'll pull, maybe you won't.
>  Maybe you'll get some bird up the duff, maybe you won't.
> Maybe you'll enter rehab at 40, maybe you'll dance the nude conga
>  at your 75th University Reunion.
> Whatever you do, congratulate yourself far too much and berate others.
> Your choices are half alcohol influenced. So are everybody else's.
> Enjoy someone else's body.
> Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what the lads
> might  think of it.
> It's probably the only time you'll ever pull.
> Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but on the street with a
>  can of  Special Brew.
> Ignore the directions, don't ever follow them.
>  Do not read beauty magazines, just cut out the pictures and put
>  them  on your wall.
>  Get to know your parents. You never know when you'll have to tap
> them for some cash.
>  Be nice to your barman. They're your best link to the bar and the
>  person  most likely to stop you getting your head kicked by a bouncer
> when paralytic in the future.
>  Understand that favourite drinks come and go, but with a precious
>  flammable few you should hold on.
> Work hard to bridge the gaps in strength and consistency, because
>  the older you get, the harder it will be to neck ales like when you
>  were young.
>  Live in London once, but leave before it makes you a ponce.
>  Live in Liverpool once, but leave before everything you own gets
>  stolen.
>  Dribble.
>  Accept certain inalienable truths:
> Beer prices will rise.  Bouncers will throw you out. You, too, will
> get a  hangover.
> And when you do, you'll fantasise that when you were young, prices
> were reasonable, bouncers couldn't catch you, and hangovers were
>  NEVER as bad as this.
>  Respect alcoholics.
>  Don't expect anyone else to buy you a beer.
>  Maybe you'll have a huge overdraft. Maybe you'll have a wealthy bird.
> But you never know when either one might stop getting you pissed.
>  Don't mess too much with alcopops or by the time you're 25 you will
>  look  like a faggot.
>  Be careful whose cheap booze you buy, but be patient with those who
> supply it.
>  Cheap booze is a form of rip-off. Dispensing it is a way of fishing
> old stock from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the sell-by
>  date and re-selling it for more than it's worth.
> 
>                   But trust me on the alcohol.


paula cullen booze explosion
booooze!!!! yeeeaaahh!!!
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