Sinister: I saw 15 seals last week

[Sleeka Sounds]

Dear List,

Please don't read this, if you don't like smuty and sweary content, or if 
you're Stephen Pastel.  OK?  Fine.

Stephen Pastel has a new club in Glasgow called "salute", as in "I salute 
you, sir".  But what does that wee thug actually know about saluting?  Has 
he ever been in the army?  No.  But he was in The Army of Christ (well he 
thought he was). Read on, my daring chums......

The Army Of Christ
==================
One Day Stephen Pastel grew weary of his evil ways.  The stench of drink, 
fags, whores, lovely heroin and cockfighting sickened him.  His withered 
frame was that of a malnourished 10 year old, not a 50 year man.  "SHITE!", 
he said " would you look at the FUCKING STATE of me.  I'm gonna join the 
FUCKING Army of Christ!".   There was a poof of smoke, and a wee fox 
appeared.  "Oh Swephen", said the fox, "I'm swo swo gwad you have decided to 
tuwn away from this tewiblle wife you wead.  I will intwoduce you to the 
Awmy of Chwist, as I wove the wittle baby jesus! Fowwow me!!"

The little fox led Stephen Pastel to his woodland clearing.  "This is 
FUCKING LOVELY, ya wee BASTARD", shouted Stephen ecstatically.   The fox 
stopped in his tracks.  "Swephen, if you weally weally want to join the Awmy 
of Chwist, you'll weally have to twy and stop sweawing!".  "Aye, ok, sorry 
an that", Stephen gulped, "I'll try".  He held his breath for a minute.   
Beads of sweat formed on his forehead, and his buttocks clenched.   He 
turned a funny purple, like Jim Robinson in Neighbours before he died, and 
started shaking violently until he couldn't hold it in any longer.  
"BASTARD!  I CANNAE FUCKING DO IT!!!".

"Don't wowwy Swephen, I have just the wight wemedy for you",  the fox said 
while reaching deep down into his trousers pocket. Much to Stephen's 
surprise the little fox whipped out his chap, and proceeded to do a wee-wee 
on Stephen's leg, "YA FUCKER!!!", shouted the irate Pop Pastel.  The fox 
lent back and redirected his potent streamy towards Stephens head.  "Aye, 
ok, ok, stop pishing on me.  I'm not swearing any more!".

"And I'm not weally in the Awmy of Chwist", laughed the silly fox as he 
skipped away, happy with his days work. "Tomowwow", he sang, "I'm going to 
wee wee alllllll over that fellow from My Gad Dad".

Yours,
  Chrys Lynyrd

===================================
Visit the Sleeka Sounds Corporation
http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~calnd/sleeka/


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