Sinister: 779 people finding this of interest? Umm..

[Nick.Dastoor at xxx.uk]

Bah!  Someone anarchist groups have been spreading dissent amongst the Oompah
Lumpah and they are on some kind of go-slow policy today.   As a result I have
been forced to cover for them and this working business is not suiting me well
at all.   Today of all days!   I am exhausted after staying up way past my
bedtime last night watching cabaret aboard the HMS President.

Big name performers were the Frank Chickens.  They followed a quite atrocious
act which consisted of a lady removing all her clothes.  It was billed as
'Striptease with a Twist' but like the Morrissey song of a similar name, it
never appeared.  Well, the Striptese did, as I mentioned, but not the Twist, as
far as I or any of my companions could make out.

To those unfamiliar with the Frank Chickens, they bear a certain resemblance to
Belle & Sebastian, in that there are an average of eight members on stage at any
one time.    Also, they do 'funny' cover versions, of songs like 'Yummy Yummy
Yummy I've Got Love In My Tummy' (which, were it in French would be an ideal
vehicle for Miss Campbell's talents.)  However, the disimilarities soon began to
manifest themselves.  For a start they all appeared to be fluent in Japanese!
And not only did they have no plans to contract out their merchandising
operation, they actually went and sold the stuff to the audience directly -
during the show!   Actually, it wasn't so much 'merchandise' as boxes of raw
fish, but the principle remains the same.  Some hardcore fans still had their
boxes of raw fish from the 1987 tour.  I believe there is much demand for these
but one member of the Frank Chickens has vetoed any plan to reissue them,
arguing that a collectors market in original 1987 fish adds to the mystique of
the band.

There were one or two innovations that our favourite Scottish heroes might like
to consider integrating into the B&S L!ve Experience.  For example, one Frank
Chicken wore a clever outfit with rubber arms that made it look like someone was
squeezing her boobs from behind.  One member of the audience was taken in and
leaped up on the stage to defend the poor lady's honour, but swiftly discovered
his mistake and returned to his seat looking foolish.

Nick xx



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