Sinister: if i wasnt psychotic i would never have found my true self.

[Sweetie]

as your grip on reality slips through your fingers like a million grains of
smooth coral white sand, you start to see life in a much clearer context.
things that lost all meaning when you lost the innocence of youth, and when
i say the youth i mean like 5, start to come back to you but now u
understand them again, in the same way you did when you were 5.
when you are a young child, everything, no matter how abstract, seems to
make perfect sense and every question that could possibly ever be asked had
an answer and that answer was inside your head, only all things applied and
material needed questioning. but as you get older (hey im only 15 and to me
this is well apparent) your knowledge seems to drift away, questions need
answering. the ultimate and final question that can only ever be answered by
another question- why?
you go to skule every day, and work your ass off to get good grades, and
that question can be applied- why? in the end you always end up in the same
place- where you started. ok maybe when you are alive then chances are life
will be better, but when the end finally comes, and that is inevitable, what
difference will money make? or education? or how good your life was? or how
bad?
so many people never find their true selfs or their true freinds. we hide
behind walls that are invisible, we lock ourselves away so that nobody can
'get in' and we cant get out. we build up an image, a mask, every detail is
very precise so as not to give away any clues. for once- no questions asked.
happiness- does it exist? can anyone ever be truly happy? will we ever have
everything that we want?
young kids seem to cope with life so much better, you dont get many suicidal
5yr olds. but as an angst ridden 15 yr old, i can safely say that to me life
just seems quite pointless, u dont exist u live u die u r past existance.
then if u like u can be reincarnated, but every new story has the same
underlying plot. the story is, i believe, best represented by music. what
else can provoke such a wide range of emotion?
whatevers written in your heart by gerry rafferty to name but one song.
real music is the kind that u listen to and you feel the artists words, you
are on a higher plane, you are beyond hearing things for a reason.
to understand everything reality must become fantasy and fantasy reality.
what is real becomes false, an illusion that was designed to hide the truth.
then maybe everything will start to come into to a perspective, things will
finally come together and start to make sense.
maybe one day everyone will find their true self, no more superficiality,
maybe.
your friend always
sweetie.
x

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