Sinister: don't look forward...

[Archel]

what a strange mixture of happiness and sadness my life is at the
moment.

(don't worry, i'll force some b&s content in later to make up for
that start.)

it was my birthday last saturday - this was a good thing 
because i got attention and presents and we picnicked in a park with
a jazz band playing.  (isn't frisbee great?  but why do we only play
it in summer?  i think frisbee in the snow would be gorgeous.)  but it
was also a bad thing because i am now 21 and have no excuse to
behave immaturely any more, i guess.  plus my b'friend is still 19,
so i feel like mrs robinson.

it is summer, which is a lovely thing, full of strawberries and long
long sunny evenings with friends, and wimbledon.  but summer also
means the end of my university career, saying goodbye to most of of my
closest friends (including my b'friend who has gone to france),
returning to the arse end of east sussex, and exam results (which i
get on tuesday.) cue the Real World, where as yet i have no role, ie.
no job.  and less than no money.

so i have words to say about depression music, too.  i went to a
party on wednesday where someone started playing How Soon Is Now,
which nearly finished me off completely.  at that moment i wanted
to hear madonna, abba, even steps, anything in fact with a beat and 
minimal emotional content.  i thought i was of the school
which shunned catharsis/wallowing, basically.  however, at times
recently, in the privacy of my own room, i have had an inexplicable
urge for The Boy Done Wrong Again, for BlackEyed Dog, for I Wish I
Never Saw the Sunshine, etc.  For Leonard Cohen and The Smiths. And I
played the The Sky Is Too High by Graham Coxon the other day, which is
one of those bleak, pared down albums guaranteed to sharpen your
depression to a fine point.  i think, on reflection, that while we
might need cheery music in public, just to survive, there is
definitely a need to open up to emotions in private.  listening to sad
music (oh, i forgot to mention Elgar's cello concerto and bach's cello
suite no. 1) is like lancing a boil. unpleasant but necessary.  plus,
it can really help to imagine that someone else has been as miserable
as you are.

actually, i find listening to b&s comforting in a different way to
either happy or sad music.  it's a mixture of familiarity, of that
caressing tone in stuart murdoch's voice, and just of the feeling
of *rightness* you get from hearing such perfectly created songs.

okay, ramble over.  i intended to be pretty, witty, sparkling and
brief, cos people might love me then, but never mind.

watching friends playing in the dirt, archelita xxx


PS: lesley jo, you are a *. :)  and i'd just like to say now, although
you have been ominously silent on the subject, that i for one do not
support sarah's outrageous anti-isobel stance AT ALL.

PPS: york uni's student planner/calendar thing has an ad for Tigermilk
on it.  life can't be all bad.

PPPS: on the other hand, i can't ****ing go to either the london or
the brighton meet-ups this weekend, because although i have nothing to
do and would LOVE to head south for a bit, i have, as previously
mentioned, no money.

PPPPS: but on the third hand, neil and oon just made me laugh like a
tit.

PPPPPS: someone buy me a train ticket and i'll shut up.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Rachel Playforth		do something pretty while you can
				don't be afraid
rap101 at york.ac.uk		skating a pirouette on ice is cool

			
http://members.tripod.com/~RPlayforth/welcome.htm
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