Sinister: Can I Have A P Please Bob

[Warrander John - FML]

Hello my little furry friends,

I'm about to fulfill one of my lifelong ambitions this weekend
cos I'm off to Madrid to see the mighty REAL at the Santiago
Bernabeu. Amazingly enough I managed to persuade my
missus that this would be the ideal weekend break. Can
anyone advise me on some handy Spanish insults to shout
while I'm there? Preferable anything that casts doubts on
the morality of the Zaragoza players' mothers.

Has everybody read the Camber "tips" page on the Jeepster
site? I strongly suggest you do, especially if you're under
seven or a bit retarded cos then you might not feel quite so
patronised. You have to have three changes of clothes to
get in apparently. And poor personal hygiene will not be
tolerated. It doesn't say if they have that blue chemical dye
stuff though, the stuff you can put in pools to catch dirty
dogs who think a sly pee won't harm anyone. That's a worry.

If I remember I might post the sleeve notes to Girlfish some
time soon. In case anyone is unaware what Girlfish is, it's
like one of those videos of a relaxing country landscape or a
real log fire with gentle soothing music which you stick on
when you're feeling a bit stressed and it just melts the tension
away. This video has lots of nudie chicks swimming about
in "Atlantis" (well, a swimming pool with the Stone Henge
props from Spinal Tap dumped in it) and it's a great leap
forward in intellectual relaxation. If lumpy hairy things are
more your thing, then there's a Boyfish video too apparently.

And Chris Mellan, I'd watch yourself if that Anne Ward's got
her eye on you. She sat fifteen subjects in standard grade
once and got straight 1s in all of them. I'm sure I spotted Anne
in the X-Rated Jerry Springer episode "I Refuse To Wear
Clothes", but I could have been mistaken.

Oh, and someone said something really horrible:

>I so hope i have a dream tonight in which Isobel is a window
>cleaner, and she is wearing a skirt, and im under the ladder !!

This left me quite speechless. I just hope that if your dream does
come true Isobel falls off the ladder and crushes you under her
big bottom.

A fond farewell,
Love...John
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