Sinister: So typical, a battle of wits, and I've come half-prepared

[Ailsa Ross]

Nice to see an abundance of Trash Can Sinatras lyrics in people's
subject boxes these last few days.

I would just like to warn everyone of a nervous disposition to think
carefully before looking at Sarah's photo entitled "vickybeer" as it
shows alarming amounts of my torso due to an ill-fitting dress and may
cause the retraction of my list crush votes (kind of like jessica in
reverse - show flesh first, get no votes).  Incidentally, big Stu, if
all voting is done anonymously and you don't know who is voting for who,
how did you know that Warrender John had voted ten times for himself? 
Does that mean you can blackmail people as you *do* actually know who
votes for who?  I'm not ashamed of who I voted for, but the person who
voted for me that I don't know who you were (but thank you anyway! 
Presumably NOT someone who met me at Bowlie where I was putting the
Hopkins-a-like to shame with my drunken mumblings and quite possibly
contributing to the Beamish Black running out early on Sunday), you may
be worried to know that big Stu will take one look at Sarah's photo of
me and laugh at you behind your back for the rest of your days :)
  
I had a nice long spiel composed in my head about lyrics v music that I
was going to insert here, but I can't really be bothered.  It involved
the Cocteau Twins, pre-"everything must go" Manics and how they affect
me in different ways, and Belle and Sebastian are the best of both
worlds, grabbing you both musically AND lyrically.  And I think that
about the lyrics I *don't* identify with as well, to be that accurately
observational about so many things is the talent of a true
poet/songwriter, as opposed to the actions of a talentless fool like me
that thinks I can ramble on about things and convey even half of what I
feel.  I can't do it, and am not foolish enough to think that because I
have suffered a bit I could write a song/book about it and make people
see what it is I am trying to say.  I don't know, or particularly care,
if Stuart went through any or all of the experiences he writes of, all I
know is he can express the shit I went through much better than I ever
could.  And it's nice to know that people understand it.  Nick mentioned
something about angst-ridden teenager stereotyping and I feel I may be
drifting into that here by harping on about my rather unfortunate
youth.  I would like to mention at this point that I do NOT listen to
mournful doom and gloom music, being a huge fan of C86/Postcard/Teenage
Fanclub and other such jangly stuff.  My record collection is not full
of other people's angst, I merely find that certain B&S lyrics strike a
familiar chord, but it is uplifting rather than painful to hear.  I
can't quite fathom out why, perhaps it's the detachment, and the
realisation that people do get it.  I can't really ever say "look at me,
I'm miserable" and hope people understand or care, it's just not in my
nature to seek comfort.  It took a hell of a lot for me to admit this
stuff here and I just did it because I thought that if people understood
the feelings in the lyrics, they would understand that there are people
out here who see themselves in that.  I never did it for sympathy (but
thanks to the people who mailed me privately, it meant a lot), I just
meant it to be a throwaway thread about meaning in songs and how
Struan's quite good at it. Arantxa and Robin both touched on the fact
that feeling it doesn't mean you can, or indeed should, talk/write about
it.  So I shall close my own public correspondence on this matter there,
though any of you who wrote to me privately about this should feel free
to continue :)

God, where did that come from?  I notice I started that paragraph with
the notion that I couldn't be bothered writing a lot.  Sorry :)

Oh, and by the way, Nick Dastoor is a fine upstanding human being and
not sluttish in any way.  Cute, too.  Photographic evidence of cuteness
will be forthcoming as soon as my mate's scanner gets fixed.

Ailsa xx

PS Apologies for being all regional here, but are any of you from the
Highlands of Scotland/going there over the summer holidays?  I am moving
back up to my parents' house in Inverness for the summer in a month or
so, and having not lived there for seven years don't know a single soul
that I'm not related to (no jokes about being everyone being related
anyway, please). It would be nice if I had someone to go out and have a
pint with occasionally.  Mail me PRIVATELY please!
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