Sinister: {Robert Foster wrote}I would love to go back to the old house

[CALLENDAR R]

 Still on the 'How-shy-people-manage-to-meet-and/or-have-sexual
relationships-and/or-any-relationships' topic, I notice someone picked up on
my email about being shy and having trouble because the people I like are
shy. Robert Foster said "As a product of playground cruelty
my image of the world is a place a bit hostile so meeting the opposite sex
is just a bit not at all easy." I was thinking about this and it is true. My
treatment at school, especially Junior school age 7-11, was not particually
pleasant. I was never really beaten up or hit to any degree, but the verbal
abuse and general comments were quite regular, although subtle. Why these
were aimed at me I don't know. I was seen as a target because I was small
and I guess they saw it got to me and so decided to add other comments too.
I became someone who was low down on the social scale and all my friends
(yes, I still had a close group of friends) were in that same social
grouping. This social grouping followed me right through to sixth form where
looming adulthood changed peoples perceptions of me. I had changed as well,
but was always different to the crowd - liking indie music and being gay
(although I wasn't 'out' - maybe the other kids could sense this back at
school before I even knew what it was...I wonder...). I guess it meant that
over my junior and secondary school years, although the bullying wasn't
great, it was enough so thatI lost any conifidence in myself in intimate
situations, through being forced down the social scale and being seen as a
bad choice as a boyfriend socially by the girls. I didn't know I was gay
until 16, but I didn't really fancy the girls which did mean I didn't get
the chance to learn the details of getting intimate and meeting people with
the intention of doing that.I chose to remedy the problem of the shyness in
larger social groups by doing Drama and saying 'darling' alot. This is not
to say that school wasn't fun, it was. But not all the time. Part of the
reason I like the music I do, especially Belle & Sebastian is because it
says something to me, because the characters in the lyrics seem to have
experienced similar things to me. Here at university being an individual is
important and respected, at school it wasn't.
 I seem to be rambling and going off the point. What is it about Belle and
Sebastian that make me feel connected again to my school childhood? Do any
other B&S fans feel that same connection? And is it in the same way?
I'm not twee, or wouldn't consider myself to be. I don't know why I told you
that. Anyway...good-bye for now...//ROB xx

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 +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+
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 +-+                     "jelly-filled danishes"                   +-+
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