Sinister: Goo to a boose

[Magpie Jay]

(spoonerisms never seem to fail)

Annie haps, i thought i would add the nose of my muse to the 'shyness' 
debate that seems to have peered it's curious orange (curse you god for 
making me this way) head above the edge of the fruit bowl again.

>From personal experience, i know what it is to be shy, but i believe i found 
the reason, and solution to this (at least for me) about two years ago. 
Having begun life as the school bully, I ended up being the bullied in high 
school and sort of crawled into my 'please like me- i am nice really ' 
shell.

I think the main cause of shyness is caring too much about what other people 
think of you, not wanting to offend, say something out of turn or be thought 
of as boring or weird. Naturally everyone wants people to 'like' them, or 
think them a worthy addition to their circle, in the company of strangers, 
or even friends, it can be all to terrryfying to say something that could 
jeapordise the arc of friendship. Yet in saying nothing it all it becomes 
difficult for people to get to know you at all.

Being shy, lots of people may respect you or think highly of you, but you 
can lack the closeness or feelings of acceptance other people seem to spin 
in their sleep, whether actual or gloved empiness.

I decided that I had had enough of caring what others thought. If caring so 
much made me unhappy, then it must surely be 'wrong' or at least not ideal. 
I have since said things i wanted to say as and when i choose, and vow not 
to be so pandering to those i want to like me, if they dont want me 'flunk 
them' . Live for myself, but try not to step on too many toes.

While i have realised it has made me a little more arrogant, and maybe a 
less nice person than i used to be, i have become much more confident, 
happier, and wouldnt give a rolling fluffy shih-tzu about looking someone in 
the eye and telling them i dreamed they were a bicycle bell.

Sure people may think your weird, but the sorts of people who you are most 
suited to find you a lot easier, and thats when the friendships fall into 
place, the second you stop worrying and have faith in yourself.

Of course it doesnt help you think of things to say to people, especially 
strangers, and i can still struggle with that, but i feel less pressure to 
say anything than i used to, and i like to think that in doing this i rid 
the world of a few more strands of peppered small talk.

i think people generally fancy or aspire to those who appear stronger than 
them, someone who can help grow them in certain ways
(mind-gutter be gone) or attain a strengthening from the bond, someone who 
can make us 'better' or at least feel improved on as a result of the 
association. If this is the case though, we would all be looking for people 
with their sights set higher than us, its just a case of finding the aspects 
we aspire to in someone, and having something inside us to offer them they 
lack.

I really admire people like Mr Rob Callendar, who can see exactly who they 
are and where they are from, put themselves in context and get on with 
enjoying their lives. It takes time for all of us to work out who we are, 
what we want and where we fit it, but I promise, you'll get there in the 
end..

I'm going to fly away now before you start throwing 'pretentious wanker' 
pebbles at me, but my wings dont bruise that much any more.


Magpie Jay- up, up and away

P.eaS:  Dr Pepper tastes of marzipan and makes makes my tongue furry, but at 
least it doesnt go lime coloured like that icky Mountain dew used to induce. 
  :OF- -

http://www.members.tripod.com/john_kerswell/star.html

If you really think it will make your life far richer you can.....


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
+----------------------------------------------------------------------+
   +---+  Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list  +---+
  To send to the list mail "sinister at majordomo.net". To unsubscribe
   send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to
  "majordomo at majordomo.net".  WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister
 +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+
 +-+  "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+
 +-+                     "jelly-filled danishes"                   +-+
+----------------------------------------------------------------------+