Sinister: They shoot Hipsters, don't they?

[Honey]

You're going to all have to forgive me if it takes a little while to
respond properly to Seb's allegations: there's just too much to
correct off the cuff and too much damage that could be done.  For
those of you who've kept faith with this list, I'd ask, if it's
possible, that you wait a little while, and at least some of you give
me the benefit of the doubt that the whole thrust of this is untrue:
I know some will and others won't, and I don't expect anyone to
blindly trust.  I'm just steaming mad that this sort of allegation
could be fired at the list and me without checking with sources
first, although I know this presents a problem of who to trust.  But
this mails bears a remarkable similarity to other sources who seem to
want to spread such crap about the list, and, hell try and finish it
off.  I've never really quite understood why and it's completely
exhausting.  I'm feeling extremely beleagured by the whole thing, and
beginning to think that this time it might be fatal, and those people
will get what they want.  I don't include Seb in any of that, but I
do blame him for passing on rumour from wholly unreliable sources:
but in the end it's up to him.

All I can say for now is that this "other list" was never EVER an
unelected body, a covert secret council, and never made ONE damn
decision on what content or people should be on the list: it was a
distribution list of friends who I sometimes asked for an opinion on
list matters, and in NO WAY did this fluctuating set of friends ever
have, or believe they had, any say on where the list went and what
should be on it.  We all have collections of friends who, bless them,
lend a listening ear when we don't know what to do; to represent that
friendship as a participation in so me sort of hidden list executive
seems to me to be either ignorance and/or scheming.  Nor was it ever
even a social list, as anyone who I mailed will agree that I
*specifically* asked those who agreed to lend me an ear not to talk
social and dilute the joy of all our minglings on Sinister itself.  I
know that this rumour has been spread around recently and forcefully
by those who seem to have become less than friends of Sinister, the
same people who used to participate keenly in such discussions.  I
don't ever quite know why but I guess they're rejoicing now.  If the
whole sordid story of just who's been trying to do what to this list
has to come out because of all this, then so it will, and with fire
and brimstone.

I've always been keenly aware, that the existence of such a
distribution list, while wholly innocent of the claims now made about
its fiddling with democracy, could be misrepresented by an enemy as
something malign.  It seems some people are intent on doing this and
this has become apparent in the last few weeks: it's a matter of
on record that I could see this coming when I heard of the
muck-spreading and shut down the distribution list two weeks ago to
try and protect the list and the people who'd listened to my
ramblings.  Maybe it was always too risky a thing to set up all
along, for which I take the blame, or maybe I underestimated the
depths to which some people would sink.  Let me say it as clearly as
I can for those who want to listen though: this is plain wrong, and I
have always been responsible for what happens on this list, full
stop.  If you want to shout at anyone about list policy, shout at
me.  If you hate this list, tell me.  If you want list policy changed
kick my door down.  But don't go thinking there's a secret talking
shop behind your backs, because it isn't DAMN well true, and it makes
me so angry to hear this used as a weapon.  I know some of you won't
want to hear this, and won't have cause to believe me, but I hope a
few will.

It's also worth saying that if we're going to discuss the existence
of forums like this, that joining Sinister is a choice: there are
plenty of other forums, and we've seen the rise of a completely
unmoderated one today, the newsgroup, which does nothing but increase
the choice available to you all of the places you want to live.  But
I can promise you, that for those who chose to join Sinister because
it was a managed list, it's always been managed by one person, me,
and no-one else.  I'm not sure what else I can say to this.

Finally, I've always tried to discourage people talking about the
list ON the list, but I can see that any authority I have for saying
that is questionable under this sort of extreme allegation, so I
don't know how to appeal to people's better nature; but most of you
have kept good faith remarkably over long periods of trouble this
list has had.  All I can really do is say: talk about it however you
see fit on the list, but please have some sense of the audience out
there, and how long and scrappy those conversations should be.  Ill
health and exhaustion with all things list-y might mean you'll need a
little patience and I'm really really sorry for that, because I know
where my responsibilities to you all lie.

honey

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