Sinister: CHEESE FOOD!

[jennifer phillips-bacher]

Hello darlings one and all.

It's that time of year again when all the children of Sinisteria gather
round my feet and listen to my long-winded and not very interesting
retelling of the story of the Great Midwest Picnic.  So do as I say, sit
down for chrissake, shut yer trap, and let me talk.

We had a picnic in Madison Wisconsin.  Yes, there really are civilized
people here in Wisconsin.  We have running water and everything!  Cheese
abounds, naturalment, and Tim Hopkins was there in spirit.  At least I
could feel him eyeing the garlic flavored cheese food.  Yes, you heard me:
GARLIC FLAVORED CHEESE FOOD.  If it's good enough for cheese to eat, it's
good enough for me.  There were 6 people in attendance (a huge 50% increase
over last year's shindig), including the mysterious John F. Monroe.  Mark
Kolmar came all the way from exotic Schaumburg Illinois to join the
festivities.  Cathy, Lance and Doug E. Fresh were there as well.  You are
all jealous by now because you've missed the cow shaped cookies and pixy
stix.  Did you know that the serving size for pixy stix is 7 sticks?  Fact.

A smashing game of Jarts was played.  Jarts are illegal you know.  None of
that twee-as-fuck law abiding shit around these parts.  We are not
jelly-filled danishes, we are tough as hell and we hate the pigs.  We
divided into teams of 3.  In an attempt to boost team morale, we came up
with a name:  Manic Street Jarters.  But like our namesakes, the more jarts
we threw, the more crap we became.  After falling behind by a few points, I
adopted a new strategy:  Aim directly for the opposing team members.  I
nearly got Mark in the noggin.  My team emerged victorious, and I won't be
modest....we RAWKED.  John F. Monroe supplied the prize (a TBWTAS promo
flat), which, instead of going to Doug and Lance's Jart Lodge, now adorns
my bathroom door.  Thanks John!

After jarting around for a bit, we all went to buy cds and drink beer. I
bought the new Lilys cd. It's perfect for sunny afternoons, but I really
don't know what the singer is going on about. Then more beer.  Then even
more.  So, that was it basically.  It was a lovely time, and I know that
all of you people in surrounding states like Indiana, Minnesota, and Iowa
are all kicking yourselves for not coming.  And too bad for you. :)

***How come no one on this list ever talks about POP ROMANTIQUE?

*****The Onion.  You know it, you love it.  Satirical newsgiant/website
based in Madison, WI.  They had a signing for their new book, Our Dumb
Century, a few weeks ago at Borders.  The fellow who is Smoove B signed my
book "I will sex you until the break of dawn.  Love, Smoooove".  Uh huh.
True story.

*******Also let me just say that it was not I who voted 18 times for
Trousers. 18 TIMES?  Good god. That's what happens when you go around
showing everyone your winky.  Would anyone like to see mine? harhar.  But
seriously folks, anyone who knows me knows that I voted for Isobel
Campbell.  If someone would like to come forward as the person who voted
for me, come forward and let me whisper sweet nothings in your ear.

Ok, I'll see you around in a few months, you carriage full of pishrogues.

much love,
jenn pb
xo


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