Sinister: bagpipes, madam? no, fuck off.

[Alix Campbell]

hello dainty ones

as Ms.casarotto should have learned by now, bagpipes are crap. i only hope
that should he acquire any, he will realise his grave folly, and cries 'woe,
woe is me, what foolishness hath i done?' they are horrid. i want to poke
pointed sticks intothe bowels of bagpipes. especially that bloke's who busks
outside midland bank in
town. i give him the evil eye, yet he plays on. bastard. ruining yet
anothers days shopping for millions. they only give him money so he'll be
fiscally satiated, and therefore able to pack up and go home.

to explain: the reason that the inhabitants of chalet 650 didn't put money
on the
roulette was for a number of reasons ~
1. they were in awe of Ms. casarotto's roulette manner.
2. Ms. casarotto's roulette manner consisted of speaking french. when
inebriated french is quite tricky.
3. they simply didn't understand the roolz.
4. they were too busy spilling red wine on the carpet/ roulette board
5.we weren't playing for money. it was those little bits of plastic. hardly
an incentive to try hard, is it? unless you wanted to see how many you could
stick up your nose. i reckon i could get three up my nose. i used to be able
to get loads of digestive biscuits in my mouth at once, you know.

keith said:
>Incidentally, contrary to popular opinion, Comedy isn't the new rock and
>roll, Monkeys are.

and i'd have to agree.  just think about the HUGE monkey near bowlie. we
took a picture, did we not? it embodied rock and roll. fucking scary too,
like all good rock and roll. i work with someone who claims to have
kidnapped robbie williams. but, somewhat cunningly she keeps him up her bum.
i'm not sure about the technicalities involved, but it's better than holding
popstars hostage in your cellar.  you always know where they are, for
instance, and you'd certainly know if they tried to escape.

who else watched the documentary on precious last night? who else stopped
watching a 1/3 of the way through? eurovision isn't about any old shite,
it's about proper shite. not mediocre shite like bloody precious. i hope
greece win. they always use interesting instruments that noone ever heard
of. that's because the contestants funny uncle made it for them. out of old
string and goat's gonads. it's similar to wearing jumpers your decrepid aunt
knits for your birthday, only on national television.

i'm opening a stoat sanctuary in the south of france in the near future. so
far it's all been a bit like challenge anneka. leggings and huge walkie
talkies. and curiously, roumanian orphans too. i'm going to train the stoats
to hunt for mayonnaise. and to hunt for the remote for my cd player because
i keep hiding it from myself in my sleep.

thankyou
alix.x





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