Sinister: The Maris Patch

[Tim Hopkins]

Loads of unjustifiably irrelevant crap follows. Am I sorry? I am not.

Michele wrote:

>You did neglect Samuel Pepys.  He was an epic poster for awhile, remember?

Yeah, frankly I thought he was a bit of a wanker. He was always on-topic, 
apart when he was whining about some fire or other. I hope someone's buried 
his bloody diaries. And he definitely needed a haircut that time he came 
down the Poetry Caff Social.

>Wasn't it him that always bid us
>goodnight in such a sweet, twee fashion?

No, you're thinking of Beatrix Potter, who learned all she knew about 
storytelling from Mistopher Chris Leonard's Little Struan stories. She's 
still on the digest, though. You should have seen the abuse she sent me 
after I joined in with the regrettably short-lived anti-rabbit thread. The 
language she used! Oooh!

>Trying to shoot down Jefferson Dirigible, eh?  You wanna step out back?

Um, if they're playing in here, then sure. Come now, Michele, everyone knows 
Jefferson Rickshaw were rubbish. Even they know they were rubbish. Why do 
you think they kept changing their name? I have eight words to say to you on 
the subject: we built this city on rock and roll.

>  Ah Tim, "feed your head."

I think I'll stick to feeding my face, if it's all the same to you.

>and suddenly "Good Morning Little Schoolgirl" seemed so.... dirty.

'GMLS' is pure depravity. I saw footage of Dean Martin slurring his way 
through 'Thank Heaven For Little Girls' the other night and that was a bit 
flesh-crawly, too.

Mr. Prefect Keith 'Wedgy' Watson:

>I doubt it Ailsa, Tim's into Reggae music like Aswad and UB40, and 
> >therefore
>knows nothing of the wonders of Bagpipes in Pop.

Ah Mr Watson, how little faith you have in me. Everyone knows that the 
greatest bagpipe-featuring pop song is 'Town With No Cheer' by Tom Waits. I 
may be stretching my definition of 'pop' slightly here, but I'm sure you'll 
forgive me just this once.

I have been scouring my memory for an instance of bagpipes in reggae, but 
have come up with none (this certainly doesn't mean there are no reggae 
bagpipe records). The closest I've come is the bizarre genius reggae/country 
collaborations of Hawick wild man and sometime window cleaner 'Champion' 
Doug Veitch and London-based Ariwa Sounds dubmeister The Mad Professor. 
Listen hard to your copy of The Mad Professor's great 'Dub Me Crazy Pt. 5: 
Who Knows The Secret of The Master Tapes?' and you'll hear a trademark Doug 
Veitch Scottish country yodel. And a steel guitar. But no bagpipes. Shame.

Oh, there was that Jesse Rae guy who released records on sometime reggae 
label On-U sound, and who dressed up in a kilt and waved a sword around and 
insisted that any of his records sold in England should have a sticker on 
them saying 'Import'. But I can't remember any bagpipes. I bet there were 
some though.

What we need on Belle and Sebastian records is more yodelling.

Jen said:

>Cheese abounds, naturalment

Yes! More cheese on the list, please. I'd ask for a cheese thread, but that 
would sound too much like cheese string, and we all know how disgusting 
*that* is, right kids?

A woman gave me some beer-flavoured cheese for christmas.

Grandmother, I call her. It was quite pleasant but, to be honest, the cheese 
and the beer would have been better separately. I am well capable of mixing 
cheese and beer myself. In fact, I do little else. There is a fantastic 
cheese stall in London's oh-so-glamourous Berwick Street where you can find 
stupefyingly cheap out-of-date cheese which stinks and oozes just like a 
good cheese should. MMMMMmmmmmmm. I think that's where the Gallagher 
brothers were headed on the cover of that piss-stinking festering slab of 
dugong dung LP of theirs. Pair of arses on the cover. You know the one.

Of course, there is always the opportunity to start a cheese-related crap 
B&S pun thread. You know, This Is Just a Modern Roquefort Song, Brie-ing 
Other People, that sort of thing. Just a thought.

If I had a pet, I would name it Mixy. Short for Myxomatosis.

Cheers

Tim


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