Sinister: Glasgow meet-up, and some crap jokes about cheese

[Ailsa Ross]

Hello children

So you want to go out drinking in Glasgow on Saturday night then, do
you?  Well, come to the Uisge Beatha on Woodlands Road at 5.30pm onwards
and do just that.  After due consideration of pubs that don't have big
tellies (ie no-one will be have been in them watching the cup final) and
have decent sized tables on the off-chance that lots of people turn up,
and is far away enough from the town centre that Chris won't be scared
by football fans, and isn't too full usually, and doesn't play loud crap
music*, I have settled for the pub I spent most of last year in, because
I'm too unimaginative to think of anywhere else.  If it were last year I
could have invited you all upstairs to my house to watch the Eurovision
Song Contest, but I have since emigrated to Paisley so I can't.  Anyway,
if anyone wants to know where it is or how to get to it, mail me and ask
me.

The best thing about the Uisge Beatha now (as opposed to then when the
best thing was that I only had a ten yard stagger to my front door) is
that all the blokes behind the bar wear kilts :)  BabyChris, come along
and wear *your* kilt and then we can send you to sneak surreptitiously
behind the bar and bring us lots of beer :)

*the worst thing, though, is that they spent lots of last year playing
the Cranberries and the Verve.  I suspect it's probably the Corrs now,
but at least they play it quietly :)

Bagpipe content - they had a piper in to play on the days of Scotland's
World Cup games last year, which was great as they only have a wee
portable telly and so only had about ten people in to actually watch the
games :)

Oldies, newbies, all more than welcome.  Oh, the Uisge Beatha has four
bits to it, I would say that one of the end bits would be the best
places to get seats, but I can't say which one we'll get seats in. 
Probably the end nearest the furniture shop, as that doesn't have a
telly or a bar in it :) If you don't know anyone, go to the photo pages
of big people, and look at "KeithPissed".  Then get to the pub and look
for it in real-life.  Sorry, Keith, but it's the best I can do for
identification purposes. Oh, you could look at Sarah Wheeler's bus pass
photo on the photo page too.  Or Alasdair on the picnic page football
team.  There's a photo of me on Fluffy's website but I don't know where
that is.  Erm, I'll have an assortment of nice badges on - upside down
too, if you want to go round squinting at people's lapels instead.  I
might be wearing a blue duffel coat.  I will be drinking Guiness and my
expression will be that of a Celtic fan who has either won or lost the
Scottish Cup, depending on the result.

Alternatively, if anyone has a house and doesn't mind us throwing up in
it, I quite fancy a shot of Carsmile Steve's Eurovision drinking game :)

Keith was talking about Cola Boy, so I just thought I'd say "7 Ways to
Love" before Mr Carsmile butts in to show off his knowledge of top chart
tunes :)   

Mr Hopkins said:
> Of course, there is always the opportunity to start a cheese-related crap 
> B&S pun thread. You know, This Is Just a Modern Roquefort Song, Brie-ing 
> Other People, that sort of thing. Just a thought.

And a damn good one too.  Were you spying on our pre-Bowlie emails
betwixt our chalet members perchance, where we had a similar discussion
on cocktails?  This was started off by Kevan Cooke offering to get a
bottle of nasty nasty Tigermilk wine and introduce it to whisky and gin
to make a "State I Am In".  He actually *DID* this and took it to
Bowlie.  It smelt rancid, and I think only Alasdair was brave enough to
try it.  Anyway we started a long and ridiculous conversation about
this, resulting in such Richard Whiteley-esque gems as Bloody MaryJo,
You're Just a Babycham, Fox in the Snowball, String Bean Jean and tonic,
Bells and Sebastian, Sloe Graffiti and so on until we realised we had
far too much time on our hands.

So can I kick off with The Stars of Monterey Jack and Field? Or You're
Just a BabyBel.  Or, indeed, BabyBel and Sebastian.  No?  Fair enough.

Anyway, Uisge Beatha, Saturday, whenever you want.  I just said 5.30 as
that's when *I'll* be there (unless the cup final goes into extra
time).  We could always pop across the road to the Hogshead for food as
they do bits of cheese deep-fried in beer batter, which is a lot nicer
than it sounds.  Granny Hopkins would surely approve :)

Ailsa xx
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