Sinister: There's a heartache following me

[Blake E Hamilton]

Dears,

Well, it's official.  I had my heart broken yet again last evening.  You'd
think I'd get tired of it, or used to it, or expect it as some deformed
normality, mixing lust and desire and care in some sort of apocryphal
cauldroned mess.

You see she's probably my best friend.  But we have enough distance between
us (a few hundred miles) to keep all personal dealings well below head
level.  Well I had made it up in my mind that I would perhaps 'try' last
night, as we poured vodka into our souls.  'Try' being to give her a light
kiss, deliver hopeless drivel drenched comments containing very warranted
praise, or just looking at her in that goofy transcendental 'you make me
giggle' portrait.  Well, I did the latter, a lot.  I suppose my gauge
mechanism on whether girls are interested or not is about as calibrated as a
broken thumb.  Push comes to maim, and my best friend and my sweet Molly are
left alone to kiss lightly and look at the harvest moon and such.  Meanwhile
I fell asleep in a wood-themed den smelling of rosemary and newly bought
stereo equipment.

I'm sure everyone has had that broken heart feeling--hungry but can't eat,
tired yet can't sleep, awake but can't think, asleep but can't dream, eating
but not full, hot but not sweaty.  It's particularly dreadful, especially on
a day like today.  It's gorgeous and sweltering, and I don't have anyone to
call.  Well, that's my story.

A few things--I love j.d.  I will always adore catcher, but f&z is just as
good, and I'm actually quite surprised that nobody has mentioned nine
stories.  A perfect day for bananafish is my favorite short story ever.
Smut, everyone needs a bit of smut as while the sun bleeds into your iris.
It just helps prevent destructive decay of the membrane, I think.  Smut,
that is.  I actually wrote my college admissions essay in the first person
of Holden.  You see, I think I'm worthless, therefore it was a good
comparison.  I called the admissions officers phonies and everything.  The
topic was comparing yourself to a literary figure, naturally.  Well, I got
into the school, so I guess it's ok.  If anyone wants me to post it, be sure
to let me know.

do something pretty while you can, even if it you don't feel like it
love,
blake
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
"Fuck!" - Jarvis Cocker





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