Sinister: If I'm a Vulcan, then how do you explain my boyish smile?

[Alasdair Cook MC1996]

Quite a good week for TV. New series' of Deep Space Nine and Buffy, and
a couple of grrreat rugby world cup semi-finals. These are the things I
live for, call me sad if you wish. Better still, call me a cab! Take my
wife, etc. I could be the new Bob Hope, you know.

I was invited to a party last week, in Inverness! Even more bizarrely,
the invite came from the lead singer of Toaster, a band I have never
actually heard. Apparently it was going to be fantastic, as there would
be "loads of coke, loads of charlie". Now coke I do like (I've always
preferred it to pepsi), but I have absolutely no idea who this charlie
fellow is. If there's loads of him I suppose he must be quite fat. Maybe
he's a comedian, like Bernard Manning. Or maybe he sells turkeys like
Bernard Matthews. Sadly though, I had to work, so we shall never know.

I've discovered over the past 2 minutes that if you say 'Trousers' in
the voice of Unlucky Alf from the Fast Show, it's quite funny. Probably
only to me, though. Anyway, here he is. Stevie, not Alf:

> Does anyone else know of rock'n'roll animals who
> have settled down to get proper jobs?

Well quite literally actually, as Animal from the Muppets is actually my
local hairdresser. As some of you may have noticed from looking at my
barnet, he's not the best there is but, hell, he's cheap.

Sinister Minister:
> I have now decided that when I finnish uni...etc etc blah blah (rest of sentence not required for piss-poor joke which follows)

I have decided that when I scottish uni I'm going to make exams easier
so that even dullards like me can pass with flying colours.

Louise:
>  y'know when you 've got a cold and you go around with your mouth
> open, a la bob the evil goldfish, for days... BUT THEN the cold starts to go
> away and your sense of smell and taste start to come back , only really
> slowly, so for a day or so you go around surreptitiously smelling
> everything, wondering "will i be able to smell this time?" (hoping that
> nobody else has noticed you doing this).  then sooner or later everything
> comes back and then you can taste and smell everything  and then..... you
> discover that that milk you'd been drinking really was sour (you'd
> suspected, but you weren't sure and were too lazy to go down the shops). i
> dunno, you forget how nice stuff tastes sometimes..blah, blah,blah

You know, temporary insanity makes for excellent posts. If only I could
write things like this. Sigh.

"Bottle of":
>   Mark mentioned that one of the boys from Gregory's Girl 
> looked like Struan. I think I know which one you mean. I also think 
> this was the one Arantxa thought looked like Alasdair Cook. He did, 
> you know. I tried to persuade her that it was because Alasdair has "a 
> Scottish mouth", but I think I've made that up.

I'm not sure which one he means, they're all a bit on the ugly side so
it could be any of them. I want to be Kelvin, though. "Don't tough that
ravioli, it's garbage". Hey, wait a minute, I just realised this means I
must look a bit like Struan. And everyone fancies Struan. Hmmm,
something's not adding up. I do have a Scottish mouth, though, here it
is now.....haggis. See?

Pants again:
> May I suggest that Sinister adopts Keith as its official Scottish non-league
> football team? 

I went on holiday to Keith, when I was about 8. It was freezing cold in
the middle of July and we stayed in this big stone house on a farm. The
only entertainment came from listening to the exhaust on the car batter
against the ground every time we went up the hill leading to the house.
And my cousin got to name a sheep. Oh, and Scotland captain Colin Hendry
comes from Keith. But none of that is of any interest whatsoever.

> It looks like there will be a social at the Poetry Café this Friday, bands
> still TBC, but it seems possible that those spangly jangle-merchants The
> Foxgloves will be making an appearance.

Bugger it, I want to go. Issues of distance, and money unfortunately
prevent this. But everyone down there should attend.

Apparently my brother and his friends were out and very drunk as usual
the other night and they met a guy from Philadelphia. So anyway, someone
introduces him to my brother's friend as being from Philly, at which
point my brother's friend immediately breaks into the theme from The
Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and doesn't stop until he's done the whole
thing. This is one of the funniest things I've ever heard, I wish I'd
been there.

I'm of to watch Rangers give those arrogant German bastards a lesson in
something. Losing, most probably. So enough of this nonsense.
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