Sinister: Who's Gregory's Girl?

[Alder, Lucy]

Gosh, I don't seem to have posted for ages and ages again - I kind of lost
inspiration for a while, but this morning I compiled a wee list of things to
write about (sad?  moi?) and crumbs!  I think this might be a long'un.  But
read on, friends!  This missive comes with a No Questions Asked Money Back
Guarantee.  And if that doesn't convince you, there's a teensy bit of smut
too.

Martin R raised the subject of scratched vinyl, reminding me of the more
embarrassing moments in my young life.  My copy of the first Hits album, a
veritable treasure trove of mid-eighties pop, was bought from a jumble sale
when I was about eleven and had already acquired several scratches, although
not too detrimental to one's listening pleasure.  I learned all the words
(and also the saxophone solo, yus indeedy) to Careless Whisper as a result
of this purchase, and the jumpy bit in the middle came to be ignored
because, oooooh, I loved that song and really felt every word Georgie M
intoned.  One day, a couple of years later, my friend Julie came round and
we decided it would be nice to have a sing-a-long-a-Careless Whisper moment.
We sat cross-legged on the floor, the needle hit the groove and our spines
tingled as that smooooooth saxophone got to work.  I was lost in music
(caught in a trap) when I realised Julie was looking at me all funny.  Yes,
I'd sung the scratches.  Dear sinisterines, I hope the same never happens to
you.  News of my scratching talent flew round the school, I hardly dared
show my face for shame and I came to be known as Porky Scratchings.  Then
Wayne, my classroom crush, decided I was more Juicy than Porky (although to
tell the truth I fitted both descriptions) and my current moniker was
adopted, much to my relief.

Were I a goth, I'd prefer to wear those dainty canvas Mary Jane(ish)-style
shoes rather than the long and pointy Child Catcher-style ones.  My Nanna
has terrible bunions and I'd really not want to inflict that sort of lasting
damage on myself.  That's my contribution to the goth debate.  

New boy Derek Porter wrote
>>you've no idea how refreshing it was to hear a song as beautiful as
Seymore Stein or Judy...Horses
and when I read it, a overheard a little conversation taking place somewhere
in my head which I will now relate to you in the style of a diarist who is
currently in vogue

Derek Porter:     Let me introduce you.  Horses....Judy, Judy....Horses
Judy:     Pleased to meet you
Horses:     Likewise, we're sure.  Fancy a ride?
Judy:   Cor, not 'arf
Horses:     Whinny
Judy:    Giddy up!

I won't tell you what happened next although, to spare DP's blushes, I'll
say that he had scurried away by this point.  I'll leave to you to continue
the story yourselves and, if you wish, you may try a little self-analysis
based on the fruits of your imaginations.  One extra point for each usage of
a different piece of leatherware from the saddlery.

Steady Mike wrote:
>>I for one believe there was a typo in the last B&S diary thing. 
Struan and his rosy-cheeked compadres were obviously enjoying a game
of Seasonal Scrabble - hence the big-scoring "bunting".  Ah, bless
him - getting all excited about Xmas already.  I realise that 'B' and
'C' aren't precisely adjacent on the keyboard, but I expect this can
be explained in terms of a 'spasm'.  

When I was a young'un, I was an avid reader of Bunty, widely regarded as THE
comic for squares.  I suspect this wouldn't be the case if it was called
Cunty.  I hate to think what hi-jinks the four Marys would get up to each
week.

AND FINALLY...

Ladies and gentlemen, may I request some assistance in the small matter of
upsetting the BBC?  Will Messent has already unwittingly divulged part of
the plan by writing

>>I saw the DKNY girl the other day. She came round to
mine and told me to vote for 'Gregory's Girl' in some
film poll or other, but I'm not sure which poll she
meant. I think she'd been drinking. Anyway, I've never
seen 'Gregory's Girl'.

It all began when myself and various members of the South East London
Sinister Masseeeeev were slumming around a television set last week and
Jonathon Ross announced details of the BBC's Film '99 poll for best film in
the whole wide world ever.  I have to credit monsieur Tim Hopkins with the
big idea of getting Gregory as high up the aforementioned chart as possible.
My dear sister (DKNY trainer girl) has already voted and I would like to
urge you to do the same at

http://www.bbc.co.uk/movies/film99/form.shtml

No, you don't have to agree with the motion.  You don't even have to have
seen the film ever, but it would be fun to see lanky John Gordon-Sinclair
and wee Clare Grogan rubbing shoulders with Orson Welles, Clark Gable and
Kate Winslet in this inevitably populist poll, would it not?  You may even
use up the remaining 4 spaces to vote for whichever film you so desire -
just make sure you vote Gregory's Girl NUMBER ONE!!! And then I'll love you
for ever and ever.  Please?  Pretty please?  With sugar on top and a cherry?
Thank you.

To qualify for a refund, please send your receipts to...

Juicy Lucy



 
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