Sinister: A Single Plum Floating in Perfume, Served in a Man's Hat

[Iain McGilp]

Hey kids,
Its good to know that eveyone seems to have had an even 
more depressing summer than I have, judging by the torrent 
of thoroughly miserablist e-mails that I have accumulated.
My holidays basically consisted of working non-stop for 
didley-squat cash in the Hamilton branch of a well known 
chain of British sport stores who shall remain 
nameless. The one useful nugget that I managed to derive 
from my time there is that Celtics' entire support have 
three teeth. Between the lot of them. I could pour my 
overburdened little heart out at this point about the 
horrors of being a wage slave, but I realise that this 
would be horribly offensive to those of you who actually do 
hold down full-time employment, unlike my layabout student 
self, so I'll keep quiet.
Being such a media-literate soul, it seems that I am the 
only person who has picked up on Scotland on Sunday's 
(broadsheet newspaper, for the uninitiated) Most Eligible 
Bachelor shenanigans. Disturbingly enough at number 48 (a 
whole 26 places behind Rangers' uber-ned centre-half Scott 
" aye, ah used tae be a bit mental, ken" Wilson) was one 
Mick Cooke (Musician). He apparently sleeps with his 
trumpet you know. Unbeleivably they somehow managed to omit 
my good self from the list (I phoned instantly to correct 
them on what was clearly a typographic error (vindictive 
printer?)) (My English teacher once accused me of using too 
many brackets. The hell I do). 
Tragically enough, it is now lunchtime and I have still not 
sobered up from last night's titanic Scotland vs. Bosnia 
post-match celebrations (in fact I may well be sick over 
my computer. Who's to say.). We're talking a piss-up of 
Charlie Sheen-esque proportions. 
(Till the next time)
(Iain McG.)

----------------------
Iain McGilp
u02nim at abdn.ac.uk

"How would you care to Pay sir?"
"Chib Express"- Unknown ned, Crimestoppers, 1991


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